Fart Quotes - Page 6

• How can you feel like an actual member of society casting a vote for a president when in a professional interview you said that farts make you laugh? And you're a professional in comedy? But then, have you ever seen a video of a small dog that farts? Welp. I don't need to explain that anymore. If you can't see the humor in that, good luck being a CEO somewhere where I'm not going to understand you. It's a harmless thing to laugh at. It's humor that's not at the expense of someone else. And it's silly. It's juvenile.

  Kyle Kinane

  Dog, Silly, Good Luck

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• When I was at school I got lines for dropping a big squelchy, loud fart. My teacher, who was a priest, made me write 'I must not fart in class' 100 times. I left that school shortly afterwards.

  Brian McFadden

  Teacher, Writing, School

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• If the game is run properly as a professional game, you do not need 57 old farts running rugby.

  Will Carling

  Running, Games, Needs

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• So familiar are eggs to us, however, that in the eighteenth century they were referred to as cackling farts, on the basis that chickens cackled all the time and eggs came out of the back of them.

  Mark Forsyth

  Eggs, Century, Chickens

  Mark Forsyth (2012). “The Horologicon”, p.36, Icon Books

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• I play around with my Japanese Garden. Since Im half way to 70 today I need to start pruning trees and sharpening plants like an old fart.

  Jason Bateman

  Garden, Play, Tree

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• There are more microbes per person than the entire population of the world. Imagine that. Per person. This means that if the time scale is diminished in proportion to that of space it would be quite possible for the whole story of Greece and Rome to be played out between farts.

  Alan Bennett

  Mean, Science, Space

  Alan Bennett (2009). “Alan Bennett Plays 2: Kafka's Dick; Insurance Man; Old Country; Englishman Abroad; Question of Attribution”, p.212, Faber & Faber

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• Your friends are at the house.' I sit up, straight. 'Who'? 'I don't know. Weird people. The Sullivan girl, whose father got the Gosford police to pick you up.' 'Siobhan?' 'And another one who's making cups of tea for everyone, and keeping the boy who's telling Luca fart jokes away from the girl who says he's "the last bastion of patriarchal poor taste".' 'Justine, Thomas and Tara.' And the drug fiend, Jimmy, is keeping Mia calm and the Trombal boy's rung about ten times. I don't like his manner on the phone.' 'You won't like any guy's manner on the phone.

  Melina Marchetta

  Girl, Father, Boys

  Melina Marchetta (2007). “Saving Francesca”, p.186, Knopf Books for Young Readers

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• Harriet Jones: Did you notice when they fart, if you'll pardon the word, it doesn't just smell like a fart, if you'll pardon the word, it's something else. What is it? It's more like, um... Rose Tyler: Bad breath. Harriet Jones: That's it! The Doctor: Calcium decay. Now that Narrows it down!.. Calcium phosphate. Organic calcium. Living calcium. Creatures made out of living calcium. What else - what else? Hyphenated surnames. Yes! That narrows it down to one planet! Raxacoricofallapatorius! Mickey Smith: [sarcastically] Oh yeah, great! We can write 'em a letter.

  Russell T Davies

  Writing, Doctors, Smell

  "Doctor Who (World War Three)". TV Series, www.imdb.com. April 23, 2005.

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• [When] you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness.

  Gwyneth Paltrow

  Inspiring, Mom, Mother

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• Just let them sit in the goddam sun. But the world won't let them because there's nothing more dangerous than letting old farts sit in the sun. They might be thinking. Same thing with kids. Keep 'em busy or they might start thinking.

  Frank McCourt

  Kids, Thinking, Ems

  Frank McCourt (2005). “Teacher Man: A Memoir”, p.242, Simon and Schuster

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• As a human being, as you go through the course of your day, you might wake up with the shittiest day, and by noon something f - king historically funny happens around the water cooler, and you're about to fart yourself you're laughing so hard. And then you might have to think about something seriously for a minute.

  Killer Mike

  Kings, Thinking, Laughing So Hard

  Source: www.billboard.com

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• Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around, there's show tunes and fart noises.

  Darby Stanchfield

  Cutting, Tunes, Noise

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• They didn't trademark everything back then. Now someone farts and they put a TM after it. Even Miller Lite says 'A Fine Pilsner Beer' on the label. It is a crime.

  Michael Jackson

  Humorous, Beer, Labels

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• Don't be more serious than God. God invented dog farts. God designed your body's plumbing system. God designed an ostrich. If He didn't do it, He permitted a drunken angel to do it. Empirical facts can add significantly to the meaning of "being godlike".

  Peter Kreeft

  Dog, Angel, Ostriches

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• Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.

  Katy Perry

  Comedian, Entertainment, Blasphemy

  Twitter post from Jun 8, 2010

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• Heat radiated off Henry's face. Salty snot ran down his upper lip. A majestic fart propelled him to the top of Section 12, just at the springing of the stadium's curve. He slapped the sign as if high-fiving a teammate. It gave back a game shudder. He was crusing now, darkness be damned, stripping off his sweatshirt and his long underwear top without breaking stride.

  Chad Harbach

  Running, Games, Curves

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• There's a Drunk Midget in My House Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid!

  Tina Fey

  Baby, Kids, Adorable

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• Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Eggs

  "Dylan Moran: Monster". Documentary, Comedy, 2004.

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• The moral of the story is we're here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don't realize, or they don't care, is we're dancing animals. You know, we love to move around.

  Kurt Vonnegut

  Moving, Animal, People

  Interview with David Brancaccio, "NOW" on PBS, www.pbs.org. October 07, 2005.

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• I want to do it too!" (sitting motionless) Nudge: "Nope, you stand out like a fart in a church." Max: (muttering) "Appropriately enough." Iggy: "What about me?" (stands still) Max: "No, you're visible." Iggy: "Am not!" Max: (throws a pinecone at him) "Could I do that if I wouldn't see you?

  James Patterson

  Church, Max, Sitting

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• A sneeze travels at a peak velocity of two hundred miles per hour. A burp, more slowly; a fart, slower yet. But a kiss thrown by fingers- its departure is sudden, its arrival ambiguous, and there is no source that can state with authority what speeds are reached in its flight.

  Tom Robbins

  Kissing, Two, Departure

  Tom Robbins (2003). “Even Cowgirls Get the Blues”, p.148, Bantam

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• My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.

  Steve Kluger

  Witty, Blow, Jeans

  Steve Kluger (2009). “Almost Like Being in Love: A Novel”, p.241, Zondervan

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• Did you hear something, Nora?” Vee asked. “I thought I heard something.” “You definitely heard something,” I agreed. “Could that be … a dog fart I heard?” Vee asked me.

  Becca Fitzpatrick

  Dog, Heard

  Becca Fitzpatrick (2013). “The Complete Hush, Hush Saga: includes Hush, Hush; Crescendo; Silence and Finale”, p.412, Simon and Schuster

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• So, you're worried that a pink dragon will fly over the concent and fart nerve gas on us?

  Neal Stephenson

  Dragons, Nerves, Worried

  Neal Stephenson (2010). “Anathem”, p.110, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• I didn't want to do a throwaway, mindless movie with fart jokes just to make 6-year-olds laugh. I want to provide my children with some substance.

  Fred Durst

  Movie, Children, Years

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