Funeral Quotes - Page 23

• Whenever it was necessary to have a large entourage, we used military vehicles or, as for the two state funerals and our state swearing in, we hired every spare Cadillac from every undertaking firm in Ottawa. It's a make-shift way to operate a country of the size and rank of Canada.

  Judy LaMarsh

  Country, Military, Two

  "Memoirs Of A Bird In A Gilded Cage" by Judy LaMarsh, Ch. 8, (p. 204), 1969.

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• One of the dogs in the competition, a Portuguese Water Dog, is related to President Obama's dog, Bo. But they only see each other at funerals and weddings.

  David Letterman

  Dog, Water, Competition

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• Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush has released all of his emails. I'd like to release all of my emails. I've got nothing but emails about low-cost funerals and Viagra.

  David Letterman

  Hopeful, Presidential, Email

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• People don't understand that all presidents, the minute they become president, get a knock at the door. And there's a man there saying, 'Let's talk about your funeral.' At the time I thought, God, that's a terrible thing. Later on, I thought it was pretty wise.

  Nancy Reagan

  Wise, Men, Doors

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• There's nothing that makes me laugh more than being in the situation where you're not supposed to laugh. Funerals. People crying. Breaking down. Telling you their life. I'm the worst. I'm the worst at that.

  Tom Waits

  People, Laughing, Cry

  Source: blankonblank.org

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• The night was dark, and a cold wind blew, driving the clouds, furiously and fast, before it. There was one black, gloomy mass that seemed to follow him: not hurrying in the wild chase with the others, but lingering sullenly behind, and gliding darkly and stealthily on. He often looked back at this, and, more than once, stopped to let it pass over; but, somehow, when he went forward again, it was still behind him, coming mournfully and slowly up, like a shadowy funeral train.

  Charles Dickens

  Dark, Night, Wind

  Charles Dickens (1870). “Novels”, p.482

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• The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we'll dig a hole deep enough to deliver her to Satan ourselves.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Scotland

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• I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.

  Scott Adams

  Death, Suicide, Thinking

  Scott Adams (2007). “Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!: Cartoonist Explains Cloning, Blouse Monsters, Voting Machines, Romance, Monkey G ods, How to Avoid Being Mistaken for a Rodent, and More”, p.445, Penguin

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• We spend our years with sighing; it is a valleyof tears; but death is the funeral of all our sorrows.

  Thomas Watson

  Death, Christian, Blessing

  Thomas Watson (1838). “A body of practical divinity, consisting of above one hundred seventy six sermons on the lesser catechism composed by the reverend assembly of divines at Westminster: with a suppl. of some sermons on several texts of Scripture”, p.268

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  John Towner Williams

  Needs, May

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• If God hath made this world so fair,
  Where sin and death abound,
  How beautiful beyond compare
  Will paradise be found!

  James Montgomery

  Inspirational, Beautiful, Courage

  Samuel Rogers, Thomas Campbell, James Montgomery, Charles Lamb, Henry Kirke White (1830). “The poetical works of Rogers, Campbell, J. Montgomery, Lamb, and Kirke White: complete in one volume”, p.337

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• We make mistakes, we have our faults, and God knows some of us have more than our share, but when danger threatens and duty calls, we go smiling to our own funeral.

  James Larkin

  Smile, Mistake, Faults

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• I remember when my father passed away, we drove the funeral procession past the bank so he could say one last goodbye. That's how much the bank meant to my father.

  Alexi Giannoulias

  Goodbye, Father, Past

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• Hardly a book of human worth, be it heaven's own secret, is honestly placed before the reader; it is either shunned, given a Periclean funeral oration in a hundred and fifty words, or interred in the potter's field of the newspapers back pages.

  Edward Dahlberg

  Book, Heaven, Secret

  Edward Dahlberg (1967). “Alms for Oblivion”, U of Minnesota Press

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• Why should i go to his funeral? He ain't comming to mine.

  Daniel Nielsen

  Funny, Should, Mines

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• One day you will disappear on a funeral pyre - just into nothingness, as smoke.

  Rajneesh

  Life, One Day, Disappear

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• Not by lamentations and mournful chants ought we to celebrate the funeral of a good man, but by hymns; for, ion ceasing to be numbered with mortals, he enters upon the heritage of a diviner life. Since he is gone where he feels no pain, let us not indulge in too much grief. The soul is incapable of death. And he, like a bird not long enough in his cage to become attached to it, is free to fly away to a purer air. . . . Since we cherish a trust like this, let our outward actions be in accord with it, and let us keep our hearts pure and our minds calm.

  Plutarch

  Life, Pain, Grief

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• I see people driving cars, winding down the streets. I don't know where these people think they're going. They're going to the funeral home; that's about it.

  Frederick Lenz

  Home, Thinking, Car

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• ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Snakes, Habit

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.12, University of Georgia Press

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• A tell-all book by David Axelrod, one of President Obama's former strategists, reveals that Obama chose Joe Biden as his VP because of his energy and enthusiasm. You know, the qualities you look for in someone whose main job is traveling to state funerals.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Jobs, Book, President

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• [I]n contrast to the common belief that they are the world's greatest cynics, the best journalists are the world's great idealists. They have experienced firsthand the great soothing balance of human existence. For every disgrace there is triumph, for every wrong there is a moment of justice, for every funeral a wedding, for every obituary a birth announcement.

  Anna Quindlen

  Justice, Balance, World

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• The destruction of this planet would have no significance on a cosmic scale: to an observer in the Andromeda nebula, the sign of our extinction would be no more than a match flaring for a second in the heavens: and if that match does blaze in the darkness there will be none to mourn a race that used a power that could have lit a beacon in the stars to light its funeral pyre. The choice is ours.

  Stanley Kubrick

  Stars, Light, Race

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• I should like to abolish funerals; the time to mourn a person is at his birth, not his death.

  Baron de Montesquieu

  Art, Philosophy, History

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• Having taught economics courses at private vocational schools and universities, I have always had a problem with GNP as a yardstick of prosperity. GNP is improved by increases in questionable activities such as consumption of cigarettes and the production of weapons. Moreover, a substantial increase in car accidents will favorably affect GNP because more funerals, hospital visits, car repairs, and new car purchases will result.

  Ernie J Zelinski

  Business, School, Car

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• If you love helping people, and you love trying to bring comfort and peace to their life at a very, very difficult time, youre going to have to look pretty hard to find a profession that gives you more opportunities than the funeral business.

  Steve Southerland

  Opportunity, People, Giving

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