Funny Computer Quotes

• On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

  Scott Adams

  Life, Wisdom, Keys

  12 Copy quote
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  A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

  Emo Philips

  Funny, Motivational Sports, Humorous

  158 Copy quote

• The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.

  Bill Gates

  Computer, Problem, Born

  43 Copy quote

• If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

  Edsger Dijkstra

  Funny, Debugging, Bugs

  105 Copy quote

• The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

  Alan Kay

  Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

  Walter Isaacson (2011). “Steve Jobs”, p.95, Simon and Schuster

  48 Copy quote

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• To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

  Paul R. Ehrlich

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

  70 Copy quote

• A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

  Dave Barry

  Light, Three, Paper

  12 Copy quote

• The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.

  Sydney J. Harris

  Real, Math, Technology

  56 Copy quote

• Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.

  Donald Knuth

  Funny Inspirational, Reading, Following Instructions

  Donald Ervin Knuth (1984). “The texbook”, Addison-Wesley Professional

  56 Copy quote

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• Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all.

  John F. Kennedy

  Inspirational, Technology, Men

  1963 Speech, 21 May.

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• Any fool can use a computer. Many do.

  Ted Nelson

  Technology, Use, Fool

  19 Copy quote

• A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.

  Joseph Weizenbaum

  Work, Technology, Mind

  20 Copy quote

• Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

  Andy Rooney

  Witty, Work, Technology

  56 Copy quote

• The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it's too late.

  Seymour Cray

  Technology, Too Late, Coders

  53 Copy quote

• Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

  Rick Cook

  Winning, Technology, Race

  "The Wizardry Compiled". Book by Rick Cook, 1989.

  18 Copy quote

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  Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.

  Joseph Campbell

  Inspirational, Technology, Civilization

  "Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth (The Message of the Myth)". TV Mini-Series, June 22, 1988.

  53 Copy quote

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• UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

  Dennis Ritchie

  Simple, Simplicity, Genius

  123 Copy quote

• If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls Royce would today cost $100 and get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.

  Robert X. Cringely

  Funny, Humor, Technology

  "Noted from the field". "InfoWorld Magazine", Volume 11, Number 10, March 6, 1989.

  48 Copy quote

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• Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

  Doug Larson

  Education, Dog, Home

  15 Copy quote

• If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

  Scott Adams

  Technology, Done, Condescension And

  84 Copy quote

• Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

  Rita Mae Brown

  Fundraising, Dating, Computer

  7 Copy quote

• There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

  Alan Perlis

  Writing, Errors, Two

  "Epigrams on Programming". ACM "SIGPLAN" Notices 17 (9), (pp. 7-13), September 1982.

  22 Copy quote

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• I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

  Isaac Asimov

  Inspiring, Fear, Humorous

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  16 Copy quote

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• To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

  Robert Orben

  Work, Technology, Geek

  18 Copy quote

• It's hardware that makes a machine fast. It's software that makes a fast machine slow.

  Craig Reucassel

  Machines, Computer, Software

  87 Copy quote