Merry Xmas Funny Quotes

• Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.

  Helen Steiner Rice

  Christmas, Xmas, Mind

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• Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.

  Hamilton Wright Mabie

  Love, Christmas, Xmas

  Hamilton Wright Mabie (1900). “My study fire: first series”

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• The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.

  Bill Vaughan

  Inspirational, Family, Happy

  33 Copy quote

• One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.

  Andy Rooney

  Christmas, Xmas, Holiday

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• Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.

  Laura Ingalls Wilder

  Christmas, Xmas, Memories

  Laura Ingalls Wilder, Yvonne Pope (2006). “Laura Ingalls Wilder's Prairie Wisdom”, p.68, Andrews McMeel Publishing

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• Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

  Phyllis Diller

  Christmas, Xmas, Past

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• Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.

  Richard Lamm

  Funny, Christmas, Xmas

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• Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.

  Peg Bracken

  Love, Christmas, Time

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• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Christmas, Wise

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

  Christmas, Sweet, Xmas

  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, J. D. McClatchy (2000). “Poems and Other Writings”, p.475, Library of America

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• I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

  Bernard Manning

  Funny, Birthday, Christmas

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• From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

  Katharine Whitehorn

  Funny, Christmas, Views

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• Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

  Publilius Syrus

  Funny Christmas, Women, Believe

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  But I am sure that I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round...as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely.

  Charles Dickens

  Christmas, Forgiveness, Heart

  Charles Dickens (1983). “A Christmas Carol: A Ghost Story of Christmas”, p.281, Library of Alexandria

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• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

  Shirley Temple

  Funny, Christmas, Mother

  Quoted in Leslie Halliwell, Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion (1984)

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• I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

  Charles Dickens

  Love, Christmas, Education

  A Christmas Carol stave 4 (1843)

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• Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.

  Norman Vincent Peale

  Love, Positive, Christmas

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• Christmas is for children. But it is for grownups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide bound hearts.

  Lenora Mattingly Weber

  Christmas, Xmas, Children

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• In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"

  Dave Barry

  Christmas, Christian, Atheist

  "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide" by Dave Barry, www.davebarry.com.

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• Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?

  Bill Watterson

  Christmas, Xmas, Beer

  "Calvin and Hobbes". Comic strip by Bill Watterson, November 18, 1985 – December 31, 1995.

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• Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.

  Kate Langley Bosher

  Christmas, Lonely, Mind

  Kate Langley Bosher (2005). “How It Happened”, p.15, 1st World Publishing

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• Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.

  William Thomas Ellis

  Christmas, Xmas, Blessed

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• It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.

  William Thomas Ellis

  Christmas, Xmas, Heart

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• Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Christmas, Grateful, Thank You God

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• A Christmas gambol oft could cheer The poor man's heart through half the year.

  Walter Scott

  Christmas, Xmas, Cheer

  Sir Walter Scott (1838). “Poetical works”, p.278

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