Merry Xmas Funny Quotes

• Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

  Phyllis Diller

  Christmas, Xmas, Past

  24 Copy quote

• Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.

  Hamilton Wright Mabie

  Love, Christmas, Xmas

  Hamilton Wright Mabie (1900). “My study fire: first series”

  115 Copy quote

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• Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.

  Laura Ingalls Wilder

  Christmas, Xmas, Memories

  Laura Ingalls Wilder, Yvonne Pope (2006). “Laura Ingalls Wilder's Prairie Wisdom”, p.68, Andrews McMeel Publishing

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• Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.

  Helen Steiner Rice

  Christmas, Xmas, Mind

  80 Copy quote

• When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Christmas, Gratitude, Children

  108 Copy quote

• England was merry England, when Old Christmas brought his sports again. 'Twas Christmas broach'd the mightiest ale; 'Twas Christmas told the merriest tale; A Christmas gambol oft could cheer The poor man's heart through half the year.

  Walter Scott

  Christmas, Sports, Xmas

  Sir Walter Scott (1873). “Poetical Works”, p.112

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• I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day. We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year. As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year.

  Ray Stannard Baker

  Christmas, Xmas, Holiday

  Ray Stannard Baker (1910). “Adventures in Friendship”

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• I have always thought of Christmas time... as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time.

  Charles Dickens

  Christmas, Happy Holidays, Forgiving

  Charles Dickens (1858). “A Christmas Carol”, p.5

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• At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year.

  Thomas Tusser

  Christmas, Xmas, Cheer

  Five Hundred Pointes of Good Husbandrie (1580)

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• The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.

  Bill Vaughan

  Inspirational, Family, Happy

  38 Copy quote

• One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.

  Andy Rooney

  Christmas, Xmas, Holiday

  14 Copy quote

• Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

  Publilius Syrus

  Funny Christmas, Women, Believe

  8 Copy quote

• From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

  Katharine Whitehorn

  Funny, Christmas, Views

  9 Copy quote

• I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

  Bernard Manning

  Funny, Birthday, Christmas

  64 Copy quote

• Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.

  Peg Bracken

  Love, Christmas, Time

  94 Copy quote

• Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.

  Richard Lamm

  Funny, Christmas, Xmas

  90 Copy quote

• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Christmas, Wise

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

  Christmas, Sweet, Xmas

  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, J. D. McClatchy (2000). “Poems and Other Writings”, p.475, Library of America

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• Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.

  William Thomas Ellis

  Christmas, Xmas, Blessed

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• Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.

  Norman Vincent Peale

  Love, Positive, Christmas

  34 Copy quote

• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

  Shirley Temple

  Funny, Christmas, Mother

  Quoted in Leslie Halliwell, Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion (1984)

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  But I am sure that I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round...as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely.

  Charles Dickens

  Christmas, Forgiveness, Heart

  Charles Dickens (1983). “A Christmas Carol: A Ghost Story of Christmas”, p.281, Library of Alexandria

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• I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

  Charles Dickens

  Love, Christmas, Education

  A Christmas Carol stave 4 (1843)

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• It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.

  William Thomas Ellis

  Christmas, Xmas, Heart

  31 Copy quote

• Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Christmas, Grateful, Thank You God

  11 Copy quote