Bernard Manning Quotes

• I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

  Bernard Manning

  Funny, Birthday, Christmas

  62 Copy quote

• I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.

  Bernard Manning

  Laughing, Mind, Driving

  "Bernard Manning has his last laugh" by Mark Tran, www.theguardian.com. June 18, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

• I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.

  Bernard Manning

  Sex, Men, Rejected

  "Bernard Manning has his last laugh" by Mark Tran, www.theguardian.com. June 18, 2007.

  21 Copy quote

• You are what you eat.....I've eaten so many fat cunts you wouldn't believe

  Bernard Manning

  Believe, Fats

  9 Copy quote

• We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.

  Bernard Manning

  Funny, Witty, Sleep

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  14 Copy quote

• If you want to drink, have a drink... if you want to drive, then drive... there's nothing worse than having a smash sober.

  Bernard Manning

  Want, Sober, Drink

  11 Copy quote

• I've got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you're 71 years old. People just think I'm a silly old fool.

  Bernard Manning

  Silly, Thinking, Years

  13 Copy quote

• I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.

  Bernard Manning

  Mother, Self, Law

  9 Copy quote

• Uncyclopedia isn't funny anymore.

  Bernard Manning

  5 Copy quote

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