The lips on my upper right bicep are my girlfriend's lips. She has the most amazing lips, and I wanted to carry them around with me everywhere I go, considering I can't carry her lips physically with me. So I decided to place them in a discreet location, such as the inside part of my bicep.
I'm a fan of horrors. I love the ones that make you jump. My girlfriend hates it. I've been dating her for one-and-a-half years and I'm crazy about her, but she's terrified of horror films. Not the cute 'Will you hold me?' way, but she's weeping. With 'House of Wax,' we'll be sleeping and I'll go to the bathroom and she's sitting up waiting for me.
I love to cook and really enjoy cleaning my house. People always tease me about getting a maid. My girlfriend tells me that they are only $40 and will do everything. But that is my time to unwind, put my hair in a ponytail, throw on sweats, and be myself.
I'm not single, I'm just wait for my girlfriend to quit playing hide and seek.
I used to hate being different. I used to cry. I wanted to be blonde-haired and blue-eyed like all of my girlfriends. My mom and dad would feel so badly - 'No, it's OK. You'll be happy you're different later.
I peeled off La Brea and went home and instantly made a reservation to come back to New York. Essentially, I fired everybody that was in my life, my agent, my lawyer, my manager, my girlfriend and came back to New York.
I am pretty health-conscious, so when my girlfriend and/or I make dinner--no, I don't have a cook!--we choose the healthier options: lean meats, steamed veggies, fish, etc. Of course, there are always those cravings for the "bad foods" that I do give in to once in a while!
I still have my girlfriends that I grew up with. We went to day care together ... we just feel comfortable with each other. We're honest, we're total goofs.
I get cast gay a fair amount throughout my life. It's not the first time. Matt [Letscher] was kind of like, 'Jeff, um, I'm gonna pretend this is real easy and not a problem, but I've never done this at all.' And so you know, we were awkward for a while. And then he said, 'Let's go for it. Come on. I'm gonna pretend you're my girlfriend, my wife. Here we go.' And we had a lot of fun.
I've died so many times. I'm 65. On my 40th birthday, my girlfriend gave me a reel with ways I had died, whether it was by knife, or electrocution or drowning or being thrown off a building or whatever it might have been. I've died a lot of times!
I know my girlfriend is free-spirited. I know she's so charming that it's disarming. I get it. And I know that every man is going to fall in love with her.
My girlfriend knows that if I'm acting weird at home to go to one of my shows to see what's on my mind.
I definitely feel like it took me a while to learn the baseline things you have to do if you want people to hear you. That's why I've had the same haircut for the entire time that I've been on television and that's why I wear literally the same jacket every day. I keep all the clothes I wear on TV in my office on a little hanging rack. My girlfriend calls it all the colors of the German rainbow. Grays, blacks, a slightly greenish gray for the days that I'm feeling particularly festive. I'm not trying to accomplish anything in the way I look other than to be boring enough for people to hear me.
I'm not against marriage, but I think it is not as important to me as it is for other people, for example. I think getting married would not change the way I feel about my girlfriend... And I don't know if that would make me happier.
My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
I'm trying to teach my girlfriend how to surf. But I just end up yelling at her the whole time. Because I don't know how to surf.
I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it.
And I don't want you thinking that my girlfriend is a bad person. She is an amazing woman, the fact that I only have seven stories about her in eight years, says a lot. You know, don't get me wrong, five of them happened this year, but that's still way below the bar, you know what I am saying.
Now I understand why people do drugs, why people drink, and why people go crazy. As the success level goes up and up and up, the further detached I get from everybody else. Luckily, with my girlfriend, everything is gravy because I brought her into it. I brought her in and she's very hands on with my career.
A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.
I don't do so well with people pretending to be happy. When I was 16, I went with my girlfriend at the time and her family to Disneyland and I was so grumpy the whole time.
I think that the work that's left to be done - and I see the end in sight at this point - is to just let go and stop talking about it. It's definitely 'stop talking about the whole size thing.' I don't go to my girlfriend's house and say, 'Hey, I'm your big friend, let's talk about big things.' It's not a topic of conversation within my friend group - I'm ready for society, Hollywood, the press, magazines, everyone, to just catch up and say, 'These women are just like the women we've been using for so long. Let's just throw them into the mix and stop talking about it.'
When I first met my girlfriend, I was super intimidated. I wanted to impress her. I was thinking, Don't mess this up, man. You've gotta play your cards exactly right.
Shortly before my arrest, my girlfriend at the time, who's now my wife of ten years, told me she was quitting drugs and going to church. I went with her once but that was it. After the arrest, I didn't know what I was going to do. She told me to trust in God but I mean, I was looking at ten years and was like, "God? I'm not dying, I need a lawyer. I need bail."
I think a lot of my girlfriends growing up gave themselves up to any boy who paid attention to them. I think young women now are a lot more particular. They pick and choose.
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