I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.
I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness.
Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.
I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.
Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.
I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.
Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.
The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.
When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.
Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.
A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.
Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?
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