If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.
I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.
Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water.
If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.
Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.
The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.
Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
I've decided to aim a telescope at my neighbour's window. It's the closest I'll ever come to living with someone comfortably.
If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.
Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.
Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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