Ask before offering advice or reassurance.
When we judge others we contribute to violence.
Depression is the reward we get for being 'good'.
Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts.
Compliments and praise, for their part, are tragic expressions of fulfilled needs
We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.
We can't win at somebody else's expense. We can only fully be satisfied when the other person's needs are fulfilled as well as our own.
To practice NVC, it's critical for me to be able to slow down, take my time, to come from an energy I choose, the one I believe that we were meant to come from, not the one I was programmed into.
Conflicts, even of long standing duration, can be resolved if we can just keep the flow of communication going in which people come out of their heads and stop criticizing and analyzing each other, and instead get in touch with their needs, and hear the needs of others, and realize the interdependence that we all have in relation to each other. We can't win at somebody else's expense. We can only fully be satisfied when the other person's needs are fulfilled as well as our own.
Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him.
Always listen to what people need rather than what they are thinking about us.
People heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with another human being.
NVC suggests behind every action, however ineffective, tragic, violent, or abhorrent to us, is an attempt to meet a need.
Labeling and diagnosis is a catastrophic way to communicate. Telling other people what's wrong with them greatly reduces, almost to zero, the probability that we're going to get what we're after.
Anger is a signal that you're distracted by judgmental or punitive thinking, and that some precious need of yours is being ignored.
People do not hear our pain when they believe they are at fault.
Every message, regardless of form or content, is an expression of a need.
We are responsible for what we hear other people say and for how we act.
Prejudices are what fools use for reason.
Don't hate the circumstance, you may miss the blessing
Fear of punishment diminishes self-esteem and goodwill.
Learning is too precious to be motivated by coercive tactics.
Blaming and punishing others are superficial expressions of anger.
How I choose to look at any situation will greatly affect whether I have the power to change it or make matters worse.
Whether I praise or criticize someone's action, I imply that I am their judge, that I'm engaged in rating them or what they have done.
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