Restroom Quotes

• Try being my size and going into a public restroom.

  Billy Barty

  Trying, Size

  7 Copy quote

• The code of the road is, if there is anything to eat, eat; if there is a place to sit, sit; if there is a restroom, go.

  Jessica Savitch

  Code, Ifs

  Jessica Savitch (1983). “Anchorwoman”, Berkley

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• For the speedy reader paragraphs become a country the eye flies over looking for landmarks, reference points, airports, restrooms, passages of sex.

  William H. Gass

  Country, Sex, Eye

  15 Copy quote

• One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all.

  Zac Efron

  Girl, Guy, Embarrassed

  8 Copy quote

• Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

  Marlo Thomas

  Doors, Paper, Fame

  10 Copy quote

• Why do they call it the restroom? Is there anybody just resting in this room?

  Dane Cook

  Rooms

  4 Copy quote

• I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.

  Sheryl Crow

  Squares, Sitting, Paper

  "Singer's toilet paper musings leave Rove untouched" by Dan Glaister, www.theguardian.com. April 23, 2007.

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• I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

  Sheryl Crow

  Stupid, Thinking, Law

  "Sheryl Crow Under Fire for Toilet Paper Proposal" by April Rabkin, www.motherjones.com. April 24, 2007.

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• You don't need to use the language of God to ask where the restrooms are.

  Etgar Keret

  Needs, Use, Language

  "Etgar Keret: We Can Try to Be Human". Interview with Meakin Armstrong, www.guernicamag.com. August 17, 2015.

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• I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking.

  Lynda Barry

  Funny, Hands, Talking

  4 Copy quote

• Restrooms at gas stations were an unpleasant and shocking surprise; I had never considered the serious drawbacks of such lazily-cleaned rooms. I was completely unable to ignore the filth, and wasted a burst of power to turn the sink, floors and porcelain toilet into sparkling, clean examples of their kind before using the facility. I felt that was a much less judgmental response than simply blowing the place off the face of the Earth, which was also a distinct temptation, especially when the storekeeper overcharged me for a bottle of cold water.

  Rachel Caine

  Water, Temptation, Example

  4 Copy quote

• One of the stall doors swings open and a fortyish-year-old woman walks out tucking her shirt into her jeans. Her heavy lined eyes land on Seth. "This is the women's restroom." She points a finger to the door. "Can't you read?" "Can't you see that everyone in this club is about twenty years younger than you?" Seth retorts, turning to the mirror. With his pinkie, he messes with bangs. "Now if you'll excuse us, we're going to have some fun.

  Jessica Sorensen

  Fun, Eye, Mirrors

  Jessica Sorensen (2013). “The Coincidence of Callie and Kayden”, p.58, Hachette UK

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• I was born on a plantation, and things weren't so good. We didn't have any money. I never thought of the word 'poor' till I got to be a man, but when you live in a house that you can always peek out of and see what kind of day it is, you're not doing so well. And your restroom is not inside the house.

  B. B. King

  Money, Men, House

  4 Copy quote

• Nico danced around like he needed to use the restroom. "Does Zeus really have lightning bolts that do six hundred damage? Does he get extra movement points for—" "Nico, shut up!" Bianca put her hands to her face. "This is not your stupid Mythomagic game, okay? There are no gods!

  Rick Riordan

  Stupid, Hands, Games

  Rick Riordan (2008). “Percy Jackson and the Titan's Curse”, p.30, Penguin UK

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• Annabeth looked at me. " We have to get out of here." " You think I want to be in the girls' restroom?" " I mean the ship, Percy! We have to get off the ship." " Smells bad," Tyson agreed. " And dogs eat all the eggs. Annabeth is right. We must leave the restroom and the ship.

  Rick Riordan

  Girl, Dog, Mean

  Rick Riordan (2007). “The Sea of Monsters”, Disney-Hyperion

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• Either way, everything will be fine. But if you have an opinion, please feel free to offer it to me through the gap in the door of a public restroom. Everyone else does.

  Tina Fey

  Witty, Doors, Doe

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.149, Hachette UK

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• I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.

  Daniel Handler

  Relationship, Movie, I Miss You

  "The Beatrice Letters". Book by Daniel Handler, 2006.

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• The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good luck. They can't even clean up their gas station restrooms.

  David Letterman

  Good Luck, Thinking, President

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• Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sex with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen before one of them is out of their prime. Can you imagine those two men together making love? If there's a man in here that's junk doesn't wiggle just a little bit at the thought of those two men together - this has nothing to do with your homophobic sexual preference. At that level it's art, you monkey. You should be honored that you share the same restroom with those Greek gods.

  Daniel Tosh

  Art, Sex, Men

  43 Copy quote

• You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  School, Redneck, Class

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• "Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can." Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?" Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?" "Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam French fries." Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."... I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at us "I do not understand." "I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said. "And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam T-shirt."

  Rick Riordan

  Snacks, Water, Trying

  "Percy Jackson and the Titan's Curse". Book by By Rick Riordan, May 1, 2007.

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• I am concentrating docilely on the question why U.S. restrooms always appear to us as infirmaries for public distress, the place to reagain control.

  David Foster Wallace

  Distress, Concentrating

  David Foster Wallace (2009). “Infinite Jest”, p.22, Hachette UK

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• I visited a new cultural center in Shanghai in 2005 that was pretty much perfect, except for the really badly translated Chinglish signs: a handicapped restroom that said Deformed Mans Toilet, that kind of thing.

  David Henry Hwang

  Perfect, Toilets, Kind

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• With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.

  Erma Bombeck

  Boys, Air, Fruit Flies

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.196, Open Road Media

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• You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Paper, Toilets

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