Witty Birthday Quotes

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  The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

  Lucille Ball

  Happy Birthday, Beauty, Funny Birthday

  153 Copy quote

• Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Funny, Motivational

  551 Copy quote

• When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

  Mark Twain

  Birthday, Growing Up, Memories

  "Mark Twain's Own Autobiography," North American Review, 1 Mar. 1907

  23 Copy quote

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• 

  The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Growing Up

  "Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young" (1894)

  79 Copy quote

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• The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

  Oprah Winfrey

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  69 Copy quote

• As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.

  Norman Wisdom

  Funny, Birthday, Memories

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  1469 Copy quote

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• I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Friends

  35 Copy quote

• Today you are you! That is truer than true!

  Dr. Seuss

  Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Monday

  "Happy Birthday to You!". Book by Dr. Seuss, 1959.

  18 Copy quote

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• I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

  Phyllis Diller

  Cute, Birthday, Funny Relationship

  Phyllis Diller (1981). “The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions”, Doubleday Books

  13 Copy quote

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• The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

  Herbert V. Prochnow

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  Herbert V. Prochnow (1994). “1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions”, Baker Publishing Group

  31 Copy quote

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• Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Elderly

  New York Times, 1974.

  43 Copy quote

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• Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!

  Dr. Seuss

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Happy Birthday to You!". Book by Dr. Seuss, 1959.

  167 Copy quote

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• In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  439 Copy quote

• Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

  C. E. M. Joad

  Birthday, Wine, Turning 50

  13 Copy quote

• Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed.

  Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

  Birthday, Growing Up, Getting Older

  70 Copy quote

• Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.

  Maurice Chevalier

  Funny, Birthday, Health

  Quoted in James B. Simpson, Contemporary Quotations (1964)

  28 Copy quote

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• A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

  Robert Frost

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Growing Up

  131 Copy quote

• There is still no cure for the common birthday.

  John Glenn

  Happy Birthday, Friends, Funny Birthday

  "Ohio's Sen. Glenn Won't Run Again In 1998" by Candy Crowley, www.cnn.com.

  87 Copy quote

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• A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

  Erma Bombeck

  Birthday, Marriage, Husband

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.135, Open Road Media

  8 Copy quote

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• You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

  Germaine Greer

  Life, Happy Birthday, Happiness

  266 Copy quote

• We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be.

  Lauren Hutton

  Birthday, Growing Up, Wrinkles

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  135 Copy quote

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• Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

  Pope John XXIII

  Birthday, Drinking, Wine

  102 Copy quote
• 

  Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.

  Truman Capote

  Life, Birthday, Humorous

  33 Copy quote

• With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.

  William Shakespeare

  Birthday, Happiness, Being Happy

  1596-7 Graziano toAntonio.TheMerchant ofVenice, act1, sc.1, l.79-80.

  72 Copy quote

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• If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.

  Euripides

  Birthday, Mistake, Knowledge

  10 Copy quote