Yesterday Quotes - Page 11

• A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday."

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Men

  10 Copy quote

• So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "Break my arms."

  Tommy Cooper

  Funny, Beautiful, Girl

  27 Copy quote

• Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor, Salad

  4 Copy quote

• There was a poll released yesterday that said most people would rather give up sex than give up their cell phones.

  Richard Rodriguez

  Sex, Giving Up, Phones

  Source: www.believermag.com

  11 Copy quote

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• Well, we have got to understand, for example, Russia is an orthodox Christian nation. So is Ukraine. That happened in 988 in Crimea, a place called Kievan Rus, which was the Russia around Kiev at that time. It's 1,000 years ago, but, to a Russian, it's yesterday.

  Marvin Kalb

  Christian, Russia, Ukraine

  Source: www.pbs.org

  9 Copy quote

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• Yesterday, the greatest question was decided which ever was debated in America; and a greater perhaps never was, nor will be, decided among men. A resolution was passed without one dissenting colony, that those United Colonies are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States.

  John Adams

  4th Of July, Patriotic, Independent

  John Adams (2003). “The Letters of John and Abigail Adams”, p.114, Penguin

  7 Copy quote

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• Live each day the fullest you can, not guaranteeing therell be a tomorrow, not dwelling endlessly on yesterday.

  Jane Seymour

  Dwelling, Each Day, Tomorrow

  28 Copy quote

• I was on NPR's All Things Considered yesterday. The question was, 'You're on the torture rack, they're going to kill you, who are you going to vote for? Mitt Romney, or Barack Obama? I said, 'Look, I've climbed Mount Everest. I know how to do what it takes. Take this to the bank: I would rather die.'

  Gary Johnson

  Npr, Looks, Vote

  "Gary Johnson Just Gave the Best Speech of His Presidential Campaign" by Mike Riggs, reason.com. May 5, 2012.

  51 Copy quote

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• It seems to me that I have always wanted to say the same things in my books: that life is one, that mystery is all around us, that yesterday, today and tomorrow are all spread out in the pattern of eternity, together, and that although love may wear many faces in the incomprehensible panorama of time, in the heart that loves it is always the same.

  Robert Nathan

  Book, Heart, Together

  7 Copy quote

• Enjoy the blessings of this day, if God sends them; and the evils of it bear patiently and sweetly: for this day only is ours, we are dead to yesterday, and we are not yet born to the morrow.

  Jeremy Taylor

  Blessing, Evil, Bears

  Jeremy Taylor (1834). “The Beauties of J. Taylor: Selected from His Works with an Essay on His Life and Writings”, p.365

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• In yesterday's post, I asked how many of you guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a hot human woman. About 95% of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5% expressed a strong preference for lying.

  Scott Adams

  Strong, Sex, Lying

  4 Copy quote

• How strange it is, Anna. Yesterday, I have filed in my mind as a good day, notwithstanding it was filled with mortal illness and the grieving of the recently bereft. Yet it is a good day, for the simple fact that no one died upon it. We are brought to a sorry state, that we measure what is good by such a shortened yardstick.

  Geraldine Brooks

  Sorry, Good Day, Simple

  Geraldine Brooks (2002). “Year of Wonders: A Novel of the Plague”, p.123, Penguin

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• To-day we have naming of parts. Yesterday We had daily cleaning. And tomorrow morning, We shall have what to do after firing. But to-day, To-day we have naming of parts.

  Henry Reed

  Morning, War, Cleaning

  "Lessons of the War: 1, Naming of Parts" l. 1 (1946)

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• Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Business, Humor

  10 Copy quote

• I compare the troubles which we have to undergo in the course of the year to a great bundle of sticks, far too large for us to lift. But God does not require us to carry the whole at once. He mercifully unties the bundle, and gives us first one stick, which we are to carry today, and then another, which we are to carry tomorrow, and so on. This we might easily manage, if we would only take the burden appointed for us each day; but we choose to increase our troubles by carrying yesterday's stick over again today, and adding tomorrow's burden to our load, before we are required to bear it.

  John Newton

  Years, Giving, Doe

  84 Copy quote

• For you see each day I love you more today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.

  William Goldman

  Beauty, Beautiful, I Love You More

  4 Copy quote

• Yesterday, happiness came in suddenly, as it used to, and remained for a moment in the great, dark, silent drawing room.

  Julien Green

  Happiness, Dark, Drawing

  Julien Green (1964). “Diary, 1928-1957”, London, Collins

  17 Copy quote

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• Whose yesterdays look backwards with a smile.

  Edward Young

  Looks, Backwards

  Edward Young (1821). “Night Thoughts on Life, Death, and Immortality”, p.31

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• I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Phones

  15 Copy quote

• Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Years

  4 Copy quote

• Jon Krakauer had documented it very accurately and very well but this kid made a real impression on people, and likewise they on him. To talk to them was very moving in many cases because they talk about him like they saw him yesterday. In most cases they knew this kid for a couple of weeks in their whole life and he just lasted with them.

  Sean Penn

  Couple, Real, Moving

  Source: www.indielondon.co.uk

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• Defending yesterday is far more risky than making tomorrow.

  Peter Drucker

  Tomorrow

  5 Copy quote

• Why cling to the pain and the wrongs of yesterday? Why hold on to the very things that keep you from hope and love.

  Gautama Buddha

  Pain, And Love, Hope And Love

  18 Copy quote

• I believe what I said yesterday. I don't know what I said, but I know what I think and I assume it's what I said.

  Donald Rumsfeld

  Believe, Thinking, Assuming

  8 Copy quote

• You can’t do anything about yesterday, and the only way to improve tomorrow is by what you do right now.

  John Wooden

  Way, Tomorrow, Right Now

  4 Copy quote