Paula Poundstone Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

  Paula Poundstone

  Funny, Three, Bags

  "Thanksgiving Is Not Just for Leftovers" by Paula Poundstone, November 26, 2008.

  15 Copy quote

• I'll probably never have children because I don't believe in touching people for any reason.

  Paula Poundstone

  Children, Believe, People

  5 Copy quote

• I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.

  Paula Poundstone

  Exercise, Dieting, Weight

  6 Copy quote

• When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.

  Paula Poundstone

  Lines, Domes, Constitution

  16 Copy quote

• If only someone would do for cows what Bambi did for deer. Cows have been in films, but they haven't starred. I'm still willing to eat a species that is only a supporting player.

  Paula Poundstone

  Player, Cows, Deer

  "Lean, Green Fighting Machine" by Paula Pounstone, www.motherjones.com. March/April 1997.

  6 Copy quote

• The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community.

  Paula Poundstone

  Reading, Book, Thought Provoking

  "Richard Lewis, Julie Halston, Paula Poundstone and More Set for August Comedy Nights at Bay Street". www.broadwayworld.com. July 27, 2016.

  15 Copy quote

• I'm really more prolific than most stand-ups. My act changes. I do fold in new experiences, new observations, whatever you want to call it.

  Paula Poundstone

  New Experiences, Want, Observation

  14 Copy quote

• I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

  Paula Poundstone

  Speeding, Persons, Knows

  11 Copy quote

• I don't like sex ... I'm a single working mom with nine cats, a dog-shark, a lizard, and a bunny. I don't go to bed, I pass out. The idea that I'd get to my bed and there'd be someone in there with whom I was supposed to have an activity is horrifying to me.

  Paula Poundstone

  Mom, Dog, Sex

  7 Copy quote

• When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.

  Paula Poundstone

  School, Voice, Giving

  "Celebrate Bad Times, Come On!" by Paula Poundstone, www.huffingtonpost.com. January 7, 2009.

  7 Copy quote

• When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

  Paula Poundstone

  Party, Rain, Noise

  "Celebrate Bad Times, Come On!" by Paula Poundstone, www.huffingtonpost.com. January 7, 2009.

  19 Copy quote

• Speaking of happy successes, after years of struggling to lose those few extra pounds every mother puts on during adoption, particularly when the doctor orders bed rest, in 2004 I sent my assistant to the Gap in dark glasses with a fake ID to purchase my first pair of Easy Fit jeans.

  Paula Poundstone

  Mother, Struggle, Dark

  6 Copy quote

• I've always thought that if my death was imminent, I would read. When I can't focus on a book, I tend to keep reading the same page. My guess is, I would've read, like the first page of Nicholas Nickleby over and over again.

  Paula Poundstone

  Book, Reading, Focus

  6 Copy quote

• I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.

  Paula Poundstone

  Alaska, Taught Us, California

  "Thanksgiving Is Not Just for Leftovers" by Paula Poundstone, November 26, 2008.

  9 Copy quote

• I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.

  Paula Poundstone

  Talking, Land, World

  9 Copy quote

• My problem, I try to teach my kids to eat healthy food. But you get a cantaloupe, and you don't know when it's going to come of age. You have no idea - that period between when it's like, hard as a rock to when it's smushy inside, is about ten minutes.

  Paula Poundstone

  Kids, Healthy, Age

  "Food Expert Michael Pollan Plays 'Not My Job'". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. May 13, 2011.

  9 Copy quote

• I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it.

  Paula Poundstone

  Horse, Gambling, Want

  8 Copy quote

• The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.

  Paula Poundstone

  Sleep, Definitions, Want

  "At 59, What is My Favorite Cheap Thrill?" by Roz Warren, www.huffingtonpost.com. December 26, 2013.

  5 Copy quote

• I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

  Paula Poundstone

  Funny, Mother, Money

  "On Location: Women of the Night". Comedy, 1987.

  26 Copy quote

• President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.

  Paula Poundstone

  Country, Hate, Blow

  "Celebrate Bad Times, Come On!" by Paula Poundstone, www.huffingtonpost.com. January 7, 2009.

  5 Copy quote

• I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.

  Paula Poundstone

  Dream, Work, House

  4 Copy quote

• When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.

  Paula Poundstone

  Writing, Cutting, Talking

  4 Copy quote

• I was one of the first people to almost actually vomit over hearing the use of the phrase "family values" and I pride myself on never having fallen for the idea that Barbara Bush was sweet and grandmotherly. I met Barbara Bush and, as I expected, she was a tank with eyes, not a nice person at all and why should that blow anybody away?

  Paula Poundstone

  Sweet, Nice, Eye

  "MotherJones MA93: Hey Paula!". www.motherjones.com. March/April 1993.

  5 Copy quote

• I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.

  Paula Poundstone

  Alabama, Done, Months

  9 Copy quote

• The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn't do it, then no one is sure it should be done.

  Paula Poundstone

  Years, Example, Done

  7 Copy quote

Page 2 of 3

First

← Prev

1

2

3

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin