It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.
I believe that Britain is becoming more class-conscious, and I quake at the very idea of Old Etonians ruling the world again.
Being 'Johnny' was almost like an out of body experience. I thought he was just a character that I'd created and could quite easily step away from, but it was much more difficult than that.
Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.
If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it.
I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.
You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.
I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.
I've spent lots of time in London, I studied in London, I like London. It's just not my home.
I've got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs.
I've got my finger in a lot of pies.
I use very few muscles at the best of times.
My agent once said, 'You're not very driven.' And it's true. I'm not the type to ring up and go, 'Get me this part!'
My first holiday to San Francisco in 1998-99 was supposed to be a two-week vacation but I ended up staying five weeks and nearly didn't come home.
My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.
Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane.
You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.
Writing a book about yourself is like therapy, and you go 'Oh My God, that's the reason that happened.' Writing about it, you're forced to really examine things.
I was loved as a kid; I was raised with more love and emotional support than most folks could wish for my memories aged nought to ten are all bound up together in a mesh of innocence and fun.
I've always been looking for other people's approval.
I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.
I used to attract a lot of feeders. I'd be quite happy to be locked in someone's flat and fed liquidised burgers.
Class still matters in Britain today.
We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves.
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