It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.
I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.
You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.
I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.
I've spent lots of time in London, I studied in London, I like London. It's just not my home.
We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves.
I use very few muscles at the best of times.
I used to attract a lot of feeders. I'd be quite happy to be locked in someone's flat and fed liquidised burgers.
I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.
I've always been looking for other people's approval.
I've got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs.
I've got my finger in a lot of pies.
Being 'Johnny' was almost like an out of body experience. I thought he was just a character that I'd created and could quite easily step away from, but it was much more difficult than that.
I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show.
I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia.
When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.
I still give myself the right to be highly critical of others, though.
I hate flying, airports and the whole rigmarole - queuing up, security and lost luggage.
Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.
Class still matters in Britain today.
Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.
I think if you're at the point where you're popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you don't need the money.
For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason.
Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!
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