Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
Do unto others, then run
That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.
Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?
Live everyday as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control has already been born ?
The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.
Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason.
Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.
I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.
I never yell, I never tell, but I'm grateful as hell.
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