Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.
Now that Marilyn Monroe is kosher, Arthur Miller can eat her.
I'm a self-made man. Who else would help?
I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
In some situations I was difficult, in odd moments impossible, in rare moments loathsome, but at my best unapproachably great.
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.
You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)
A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don't think of it first.
I am no more humble than my talents require.
I never read bad reviews about myself, because my friends invariably tell me about them.
Talent's like a baby. Wrap it up in wool and it goes to sleep.
A conductor should reconcile himself to the realization that regardless of his approach or temperament the eventual result is the same-the orchestra will hate him.
Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.
I don't like to play the piano. It makes me too attractive.
George, if you had to do it all over, would you fall in love with yourself again?
Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.
Debbie Reynolds is as wistful as an iron foundry.
An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.
I could never have a mistress, because I couldn't bear to tell the story of my life all over again.
I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.
When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.
I played an unsympathetic part -- myself.
Ballet is the fairies' baseball.
Once he makes up his mind, he's full of indecision. - On Dwight D. Eisenhower
I never watch the Dinah Shore show- I'm a diabetic.
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