Waiter Quotes - Page 6

• I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.' He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'

  Tommy Cooper

  Funny, Humor, Night

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• Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.

  Daniel Handler

  I Hate You, Humor, Fate

  "The Slippery Slope". Book by Daniel Handler, 2003.

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• The waiter brought fresh-baked bread and cheese, a bottle of sparkling water for Annabeth, and a Coke with ice for me (because I’m a barbarian).

  Rick Riordan

  Ice, Water, Annabeth

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• Could I have a Sloe Gin Fizz, without the gin?" "What's the point of that, Miss?" the waiter said. "Tomorrow morning," Mabel said.

  Libba Bray

  Morning, Missing, Tomorrow

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• I am not a fan of people who abuse service staff. In fact, I find it intolerable. It’s an unpardonable sin as far as I’m concerned, taking out personal business or some other kind of dissatisfaction on a waiter or busboy.

  Anthony Bourdain

  People, Abuse, Fans

  "Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of Food and the People Who Cook". Book by Anthony Bourdain, 2010.

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• When somebody is a little bit wrong - say, when a waited puts nonfat milk in your espresso macchiato, instead of lowfat milk - it is often quite easy to explain to them how and why they are wrong. But if somebody is surprisingly wrong - say, when a waiter bites your nose instead of taking your order - you can often be so surprised that you are unable to say anything at all. Paralyzed by how wrong the waiter is, your moth would hang slightly open and your eyes would blink over and over, but you would be unable to say a word.

  Daniel Handler

  Eye, Often Is, Order

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• I worked as a waiter when I was 15 and got a chance to appreciate good, simple food. There's nothing better than a boiled egg with toast.

  Ewan McGregor

  Simple, Eggs, Appreciate

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• If you wait for inspiration, you're not a writer, but a waiter.

  Louis L'Amour

  Inspiration, Waiting, Acting

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• I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress.

  Jane Siberry

  Waitress, Ifs

  Song: The Waitress, Album: No Borders Here

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• It isn't so much what's on the table that matters, as what's on the chairs.

  W. S. Gilbert

  Food, Cooking, Tables

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• My father was and is a great father. My father always wanted to do stand-up. He wanted to be an actor. But instead he did two jobs. He did customer service at a hospital and he worked as a waiter at night. He pretty much sacrificed everything for his daughters.

  Sherri Shepherd

  Daughter, Mother, Jobs

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• I'm here," she said, skidding to a stop. "Can we go now?" Sebastian insisted on helping her on with the coat. "I don't think anyone's ever helped me with my coat before," Clary observed, freeing the hair that had gotten trapped under her collar. "Well, maybe waiters. Were you ever a waiter?" "No, but I was brought up by a Frenchwoman," Sebastian reminded her. "It involves an even more rigorous course of training.

  Cassandra Clare

  Thinking, Hair, Training

  Cassandra Clare (2010). “City of Glass”, p.155, Simon and Schuster

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• If I ever own a restaurant, I will never allow the waiters to ask if the diners like their dishes. Particularly when they're talking.

  Orson Welles

  Talking, Diners, Restaurants

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• Meanwhile it's got stormy, the tattered fog even thicker, chasing across my path. Three people are sitting in a glassy tourist cafe between clouds and clouds, protected by glass from all sides. Since I don't see any waiters, it crosses my mind that corpses have been sitting there for weeks, statuesque. All this time the cafe has been unattended, for sure. Just how long have they been sitting here, petrified like this?

  Werner Herzog

  Fog, Clouds, Glasses

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• ...Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make.

  Eoin Colfer

  Doe, Aprons, Ragged

  Eoin Colfer (2001). “Artemis Fowl”

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• He had lunch with Cecilia that afternoon. They ate their corned beef on rye and cream cheese with lox in a diner peopled by waiters who looked like they´d met with utter disappointment and become attached to it.

  Mary Gaitskill

  Disappointment, Lunch, Beef

  Mary Gaitskill (1988). “Bad Behavior: Stories”, Poseidon Press

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• The young man called the waiter and paid. Then he got up and said to the girl: 'We're going.' Where to?' The girl feigned surprise. Don't ask, just come on,' said the young man. Is that any way to talk to me?' It's the way I talk to whores.

  Milan Kundera

  Girl, Men, Way

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• Honey, you need to get laid. (Selena) Why don’t you speak a little louder, Lanie? I don’t think the guys in Canada were able to hear you. (Grace) Oh, I don’t know. They’re probably headed south even as we speak. (Waiter)

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Thinking, Guy, Grace

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• Or more precisely, is there anything I can do for you, ma’am? (Waiter) ‘How about a bag for my head, or a stick to beat Lanie with?’ (Grace)

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Grace, Bags, Sticks

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• His face held a certain impassivity; you see it in all waiters and valets. They might want to jam a knife through your left eye socket, but you'd never know it from their expression. Working retail, I've acquired a similar look myself.

  Ann Aguirre

  Eye, Expression, Knives

  Ann Aguirre (2009). “Blue Diablo: A Corine Solomon Novel”, p.29, Penguin

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• Twenty percent? What am I, your waiter? I got you five vampires, not a BLT.

  Richard Kadrey

  Vampire, Twenties, Five

  Richard Kadrey (2012). “Kill the Dead (Sandman Slim, Book 2)”, p.20, HarperCollins UK

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• The switch had two settings. You could either turn it to AUTO, in which case the awning lowered itself whenever the sun came out, or you could set it to MANUEL [sic], in which case, we assumed, a small, incompetent Spanish waiter came and did it for you.

  Douglas Adams

  Sea, Two, Sun

  "The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time".

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• A good setter is like a waiter.

  Julio Velasco

  Volleyball

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• I am one of those who like to stay late at the cafe," the older waiter said. "With all those who do not want to go to bed. With all those who need a light for the night." "I want to go home and into bed." "We are of two different kinds," the older waiter said. He was now dressed to go home. "It is not only a question of youth and confidence although those things are very beautiful. Each night. I am reluctant to close up because there may be someone who needs the cafe.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Beautiful, Home, Night

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• When I was a kid, like 14 or 15, I played with the waiters from the hotel, 'cause that was the best game. And these guys, they'd let me play. And they were black guys.

  Larry Bird

  Kids, Games, Play

  "Larry and Earvin still magic". Interview with Rick Reilly, www.espn.com. March 6, 2012.

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