Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
But I am sure that I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round...as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely.
Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance.
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To you, respect.
At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year.
That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?
I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas.
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
The earth has grown old with its burden of care, But at Christmas it always is young.
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