Witty Quotes - Page 12

• Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Funny, Positive, Art

  "Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Time". Book by Laurence J. Peter, p. 362, 1977.

  120 Copy quote

  Show source

• Were kisses all the joys in bed,
  One woman would another wed.

  William Shakespeare

  Funny, Sex, Kissing

  William Shakespeare (1841). “The Poems of Willm Shakspere”, p.142

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining.

  Lily Tomlin

  Reality, Lifestyle, Handle

  22 Copy quote

• Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

  Woody Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, God

  12 Copy quote

• A witty saying proves nothing.

  Voltaire

  Inspirational, Humorous, Book

  9 Copy quote

• As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sarcastic, Mother Daughter

  Oscar Wilde (2015). “The Picture of Dorian Gray (Diversion Classics)”, p.54, Diversion Books

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

  Lily Tomlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Beauty

  70 Copy quote

• I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Principles, World

  Oscar Wilde (2013). “The Complete Works of Oscar Wilde (more than 150 Works)”, p.1016, e-artnow

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• If you ask that question again ma'am, I will have to ask you your age

  Shahrukh Khan

  Age, Asks, Ifs

  8 Copy quote

• O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

  Saint Augustine

  Funny, Humorous, Religion

  "In Summer’s Heat, Washington Seeks Refuge in the Loophole" by Michael Winship, www.huffingtonpost.com. June 29, 2010.

  21 Copy quote

  Show source

• A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

  Hector Hugh Munro

  Funny, Powerful, Humorous

  The Square Egg (1924) "Clovis on the Alleged Romance of Business"

  21 Copy quote

  Show source

• Though lust do masque in ne'er so strange disguise she's oft found witty, but is never wise.

  John Webster

  Wise, Lust, Strange

  John Webster (1989). “The Duchess of Malfi”

  6 Copy quote

  Show source

• We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.

  Bernard Manning

  Funny, Sleep, Swim

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  14 Copy quote

  Show source

• Never have more children than you have car windows.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Life, Children

  61 Copy quote

• I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

  David Gerrold

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

  16 Copy quote

• If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Humorous, Stupid People

  16 Copy quote

• Well Mandira, I hope not. You see, I started both their careers. And as far as i can remember, I started yours too.

  Shahrukh Khan

  Careers, Remember, Wells

  12 Copy quote

• People who can't be witty exert themselves to be devout and affectionate.

  George Eliot

  People, Literature, Tongue

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

  Katharine Hepburn

  Love, Break Up, Marriage

  Quoted in PeopleWeekly, 11 Oct. 1976

  49 Copy quote

  Show source

• My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

  Mike Myers

  Funny, Humorous, Cuisine

  32 Copy quote

• Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

  William Shakespeare

  Cute, Fools Day, Foolish

  'Twelfth Night' (1601) act 1, sc. 5, l. [37]

  55 Copy quote

  Show source

• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Laughter, Humor

  "Steven Wright Special". Comedy, 1985.

  214 Copy quote

  Show source

• I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

  Woody Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Death: A Comedy in One Act". Book by Woody Allen, 1975.

  134 Copy quote

  Show source

• It is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved? It might perhaps be answered that we should wish to be both: but since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved.

  Niccolo Machiavelli

  Love, Powerful, Humorous

  Niccolo Machiavelli (2015). “The Prince”, p.64, Booklassic

  68 Copy quote

  Show source

• Hell is paved with good samaritans.

  William Holden

  Powerful, Humorous, Religion

  18 Copy quote