Daniel Tosh Quotes - Page 8

Quotes about:

• I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.

  Daniel Tosh

  Cutting, Personality, Looks

  "True Stories I Made Up". Comedy album by Daniel Tosh, 2005.

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• It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.

  Daniel Tosh

  Powerful, Soul, Needs

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• Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.

  Daniel Tosh

  I Love Him, Bills, Hicks

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• Here’s what I tell people now when they come to my shows: “First of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or at least my economic package.”

  Daniel Tosh

  Funny, People, Firsts

  "Daniel Tosh’s jokes sneak up on you while you’re already laughing". Interview with John Wenzel, www.denverpost.com. February 18, 2009.

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• You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, "you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun."

  Daniel Tosh

  Fun, Kids, Long

  "Mr. Daniel Tosh coming to NAU". The Lumberjack Interview, www.jackcentral.org. September 11, 2008.

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• If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.

  Daniel Tosh

  Roles, Interest, Offers

  "Mr. Daniel Tosh coming to NAU". The Lumberjack Interview, www.jackcentral.org. September 11, 2008.

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• I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.

  Daniel Tosh

  Jobs, College, Laughing

  "Mr. Daniel Tosh coming to NAU". The Lumberjack Interview, www.jackcentral.org. September 11, 2008.

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• Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?

  Daniel Tosh

  Girl, Okay

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• Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.

  Daniel Tosh

  Bigger

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• Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.

  Daniel Tosh

  Stupid, Voting, Hot

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• I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty; you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.

  Daniel Tosh

  Girl, Eye, Blue

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• e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.

  Daniel Tosh

  Good Friend, Foundation, Comedy

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• I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.

  Daniel Tosh

  Play, Actors, Range

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• You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

  Daniel Tosh

  Funny, Sick, Freak

  "True Stories I Made Up". 2005.

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• I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.

  Daniel Tosh

  Tests, Audience, Materials

  Source: titlesarestupid.blogspot.com

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• Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.

  Daniel Tosh

  Funny, Humor, San Francisco

  "Daniel Tosh: Happy Thoughts". www.imdb.com. 2011.

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• People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.

  Daniel Tosh

  Writing, People, Trying

  Source: titlesarestupid.blogspot.com

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• I can say that. I have a television show.

  Daniel Tosh

  Funny, Humor, Television

  Song: One, Album: Happy Thoughts, 2011

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• Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'

  Daniel Tosh

  Funny, Independent, People

  "At the top of his stand-up game" by Delfin Vigil, www.sfgate.com. August 23, 2007.

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• I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.

  Daniel Tosh

  Funny, Night, Matter

  "Daniel Tosh’s jokes sneak up on you while you’re already laughing". Interview with John Wenzel, www.denverpost.com. February 18, 2009.

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• I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a child worked. Not getting any cavities.

  Daniel Tosh

  Funny, Children, Six Months

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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