P. G. Wodehouse Quotes - Page 9

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• I mean, imagine how some unfortunate Master Criminal would feel, on coming down to do a murder at the old Grange, if he found that not only was Sherlock Holmes putting in the weekend there, but Hercule Poirot, as well." ~ Bertram "Bertie" Wooster

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Mean, Weekend, Criminals

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• In his normal state he would not strike a lamb. I’ve known him to do it’ ‘Do what?’ ‘Not strike lambs

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Lambs, Normal, States

  P. G. Wodehouse (2009). “Piccadilly Jim: Easyread Comfort Edition”, p.306, ReadHowYouWant.com

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• It was a silver cow. But when I say 'cow', don't go running away with the idea of some decent, self-respecting cudster such as you may observe loading grass into itself in the nearest meadow. This was a sinister, leering, Underworld sort of animal, the kind that would spit out of the side of its mouth for twopence.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Running, Animal, Self

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• Woman is the unfathomable, incalculable mystery, the problem we men can never hope to solve.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Men, Mystery, Problem

  "Fore!: The Best of Wodehouse on Golf".

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• As a rule, you see, I'm not lugged into Family Rows. On the occasions when Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across premieval swamps and Uncle James's letter about Cousin Mabel's peculiar behaviour is being shot round the family circle ('Please read this carefully and send it on Jane') the clan has a tendency to ignore me. It's one of the advantages I get from being a bachelor - and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Cousin, Uncles, Aunt

  The Inimitable Jeeves (1923) ch. 16

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• I expect I shall feel better after tea.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Feel Better, Tea, Feels

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• What is Love compared with holing out before your opponent?

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Golf, What Is Love, Opponents

  P. G. Wodehouse (2012). “The Man Upstairs: And Other Stories”, p.184, The Floating Press

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• I mean, if you're asking a fellow to come out of a room so that you can dismember him with a carving knife, it's absurd to tack a 'sir' on to every sentence. The two things don't go together.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Mean, Knives, Two

  P.G. Wodehouse (2012). “The Jeeves Omnibus - Vol 1: (Jeeves & Wooster)”, p.111, Random House

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• There was the man who seemed to be attempting to decieve his ball and lull it into a false sense of security by looking away from it and then making a lightning slash in the apparent hope of catching it off its guard.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Golf, Men, Lightning

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• As a rule, from what I've observed, the American Captain of Industry doesn't do anything out of business hours. When he has put the cat out and locked up the office for the night, he just relapses into a state of coma from which he emerges only to start being a Captain of Industry again.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Cat, Night, Office

  P. G. Wodehouse, David A. Jasen (1997). “Enter Jeeves: 15 Early Stories”, p.20, Courier Corporation

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• ...with each new book of mine I have always the feeling that this time I have picked a lemon in the garden of literature.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Book, Garden, Feelings

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• Confidence, of course is an admirable asset to a golfer, but it should be an unspoken confidence. It is perilous to put it into speech. The gods of golf lie in wait to chasten the presumptious.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Lying, Golf, Waiting

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• You are falling into your old error, Jeeves, of thinking that Gussie is a parrot. Fight against this. I shall add the oz.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Fall, Fighting, Thinking

  P. G. Wodehouse (2015). “Right Ho, Jeeves”, p.148, Booklassic

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• Mr Beach was too well bred to be inquisitive, but his eyebrows here not. 'Ah!' he said. '?', cried the eyebrows. '? ? ?' Ashe ignored the eyebrows. ... Mr Beach's eyebrows were still mutely urging him to reveal all, but Ashe directed his gaze at that portion of the room which Mr Beach did not fill. He was hanged if he was going to let himself be hypnotized by a pair of eyebrows into incriminating himself.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Beach, Eyebrows, Rooms

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• It was one of the most disgusting spectacles I've ever seen-- this white-haired old man, who should have been thinking of the hereafter, standing there lying like an actor.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Lying, Thinking, Men

  P. G. Wodehouse, David A. Jasen (1997). “Enter Jeeves: 15 Early Stories”, p.70, Courier Corporation

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• You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Enjoy

  P. G. Wodehouse, David A. Jasen (1997). “Enter Jeeves: 15 Early Stories”, p.74, Courier Corporation

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• Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Lying, Golf, Men

  P. G. Wodehouse (2011). “The Clicking of Cuthbert”, p.130, The Floating Press

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• I hadn't the heart to touch my breakfast. I told Jeeves to drink it himself.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Heart, Breakfast, Soup

  P. G. Wodehouse (2015). “My Man Jeeves”, p.13, Booklassic

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• Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Congratulations, Writing, Winning

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• Golf, like measles, should be caught young.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Funny, Golf, Should

  P. G. Wodehouse (2011). “The Clicking of Cuthbert”, p.55, The Floating Press

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• Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Dog, Dachshunds, Ears

  P.G. Wodehouse (2000). “How Right You Are, Jeeves”, p.119, Simon and Schuster

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• His whole aspect was that of a man who has unexpectedly been struck by lightning.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Men, Light, Aspect

  "Eggs, Beans and Crumpets". Book by P. G. Wodehouse, 1940.

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• I remember her telling me once that rabbits were the gnomes in attendance to the Fairy Queen and that the stars were God's daisy chain. Perfect rot, of course.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Stars, Queens, Perfect

  P.G. Wodehouse (2009). “The Code of the Woosters: (Jeeves & Wooster)”, p.16, Random House

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• Many bad golfers marry, feeling that a wife's loving solicitude may improve their game. But they are rugged, thick-skinned men, not sensitive and introspective. It is one of the chief merits of golf that non-success at the game induces a certain amount of decent humilty, which keeps a man from pluming himself too much on any petty triumphs he may achieve in other walks of life.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Golf, Men, Games

  P.G. Wodehouse (2013). “The Golf Omnibus”, p.163, Random House

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• Joan was nothing more than a friend. He was not in love with her. One does not fall in love with a girl whom one has met only three times. One is attracted, yes; but one does not fall in love. A moment's reflection enabled him to diagnose his sensations correctly. This odd impulse to leap across the compartment and kiss Joan was not love. It was merely the natural desire of a good-hearted young man to be decently chummy with his species.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Girl, Falling In Love, Kissing

  P. G. Wodehouse (2012). “Something New: Or, Something Fresh”, p.107, The Floating Press

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