P. G. Wodehouse Quotes - Page 9

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• There was a sound in the background like a distant sheep coughing gently on a mountainside. Jeeves sailing into action.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Sheep, Sailing, Sound

  "Joy in the Morning". Book by P. G. Wodehouse, 1946.

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• His eyes were rolling in their sockets, and his face had taken on the colour and expression of a devout tomato. I could see he loved like a thousand bricks.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Love, Taken, Eye

  P.G. Wodehouse (2009). “Joy in the Morning: (Jeeves & Wooster)”, p.26, Random House

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• I mean, imagine how some unfortunate Master Criminal would feel, on coming down to do a murder at the old Grange, if he found that not only was Sherlock Holmes putting in the weekend there, but Hercule Poirot, as well." ~ Bertram "Bertie" Wooster

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Mean, Weekend, Criminals

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• I go in for what is known in the trade as 'light writing' and those who do that - humorists they are sometimes called - are looked down upon by the intelligentsia and sneered at.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Writing, Light, Sometimes

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• In his normal state he would not strike a lamb. I’ve known him to do it’ ‘Do what?’ ‘Not strike lambs

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Lambs, Normal, States

  P. G. Wodehouse (2009). “Piccadilly Jim: Easyread Comfort Edition”, p.306, ReadHowYouWant.com

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• It was a silver cow. But when I say 'cow', don't go running away with the idea of some decent, self-respecting cudster such as you may observe loading grass into itself in the nearest meadow. This was a sinister, leering, Underworld sort of animal, the kind that would spit out of the side of its mouth for twopence.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Running, Animal, Self

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• Woman is the unfathomable, incalculable mystery, the problem we men can never hope to solve.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Men, Mystery, Problem

  "Fore!: The Best of Wodehouse on Golf".

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• It is not the being paid money in advance that jars the sensitive artist: it is the having to work.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Artist, Jars, Sensitive

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• As a rule, you see, I'm not lugged into Family Rows. On the occasions when Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across premieval swamps and Uncle James's letter about Cousin Mabel's peculiar behaviour is being shot round the family circle ('Please read this carefully and send it on Jane') the clan has a tendency to ignore me. It's one of the advantages I get from being a bachelor - and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Cousin, Uncles, Aunt

  The Inimitable Jeeves (1923) ch. 16

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• I expect I shall feel better after tea.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Feel Better, Tea, Feels

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• What is Love compared with holing out before your opponent?

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Golf, What Is Love, Opponents

  P. G. Wodehouse (2012). “The Man Upstairs: And Other Stories”, p.184, The Floating Press

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• I mean, if you're asking a fellow to come out of a room so that you can dismember him with a carving knife, it's absurd to tack a 'sir' on to every sentence. The two things don't go together.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Mean, Knives, Two

  P.G. Wodehouse (2012). “The Jeeves Omnibus - Vol 1: (Jeeves & Wooster)”, p.111, Random House

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• There was the man who seemed to be attempting to decieve his ball and lull it into a false sense of security by looking away from it and then making a lightning slash in the apparent hope of catching it off its guard.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Golf, Men, Lightning

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• As a rule, from what I've observed, the American Captain of Industry doesn't do anything out of business hours. When he has put the cat out and locked up the office for the night, he just relapses into a state of coma from which he emerges only to start being a Captain of Industry again.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Cat, Night, Office

  P. G. Wodehouse, David A. Jasen (1997). “Enter Jeeves: 15 Early Stories”, p.20, Courier Corporation

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• ...with each new book of mine I have always the feeling that this time I have picked a lemon in the garden of literature.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Book, Garden, Feelings

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• Confidence, of course is an admirable asset to a golfer, but it should be an unspoken confidence. It is perilous to put it into speech. The gods of golf lie in wait to chasten the presumptious.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Lying, Golf, Waiting

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• You are falling into your old error, Jeeves, of thinking that Gussie is a parrot. Fight against this. I shall add the oz.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Fall, Fighting, Thinking

  P. G. Wodehouse (2015). “Right Ho, Jeeves”, p.148, Booklassic

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• Mr Beach was too well bred to be inquisitive, but his eyebrows here not. 'Ah!' he said. '?', cried the eyebrows. '? ? ?' Ashe ignored the eyebrows. ... Mr Beach's eyebrows were still mutely urging him to reveal all, but Ashe directed his gaze at that portion of the room which Mr Beach did not fill. He was hanged if he was going to let himself be hypnotized by a pair of eyebrows into incriminating himself.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Beach, Eyebrows, Rooms

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• She gave me another of those long keen looks, and I could see that she was again asking herself if her favourite nephew wasn't steeped to the tonsils in the juice of the grape.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Long, Nephew, Looks

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• You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Enjoy

  P. G. Wodehouse, David A. Jasen (1997). “Enter Jeeves: 15 Early Stories”, p.74, Courier Corporation

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• Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Lying, Golf, Men

  P. G. Wodehouse (2011). “The Clicking of Cuthbert”, p.130, The Floating Press

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• I hadn't the heart to touch my breakfast. I told Jeeves to drink it himself.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Heart, Breakfast, Soup

  P. G. Wodehouse (2015). “My Man Jeeves”, p.13, Booklassic

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• Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Congratulations, Writing, Winning

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• Golf, like measles, should be caught young.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Funny, Golf, Should

  P. G. Wodehouse (2011). “The Clicking of Cuthbert”, p.55, The Floating Press

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• I just sit at a typewriter and curse a bit.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Writing, Typewriters, Curse

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