P. G. Wodehouse Quotes - Page 11

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• It ought to be a criminal offence for women to dye their hair. Especially red. What the devil do women do that sort of thing for?

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Hair, Devil, Criminals

  P. G. Wodehouse (2011). “Indiscretions of Archie”, p.282, The Floating Press

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• What I'm worrying about is what Tom is going to say when he starts talking." "Uncle Tom?" "I wish there was something else you could call him except 'Uncle Tom,' " Aunt Dahlia said a little testily. "Every time you do it, I expect to see him turn black and start playing the banjo.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Uncles, Aunt, Talking

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• It's not that I don't trust you, Dunstable, it's simply that I don't trust you.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  I Don't Trust You, Don't Trust

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• I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Jeeves, Disgruntled, Ifs

  The Code of the Woosters (1938) ch. 1

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• Warm-hearted! I should think he has to wear asbestos vests!

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Thinking, Asbestos, Vests

  P. G. Wodehouse (2016). “Expecting Jeeves”, p.148, Courier Dover Publications

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• It looked something like a pen wiper and something like a piece of hearth-rug. A second and keener inspection revealed it as a Pekinese puppy.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Humorous, Pieces, Puppy

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• I am strongly of the opinion that, after the age of twenty-one, a man ought not to be out of bed and awake at four in the morning. The hour breeds thought. At twenty-one, life being all future, it may be examined with impunity. But, at thirty, having become an uncomfortable mixture of future and past, it is a thing to be looked at only when the sun is high and the world full of warmth and optimism.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Morning, Past, Insomnia

  P. G. Wodehouse (2011). “The Little Nugget”, p.40, The Floating Press

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• ...what I feel we ought to do at this juncture is to dash off somewhere where it's quiet and there aren't so many housesdancing the 'Blue Danube' and shove some tea into ourselves. And over the pot and muffins I shall have something veryimportant to say to you.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Blue, Tea, Muffins

  P.G. Wodehouse (2000). “The Most Of P.G. Wodehouse”, p.59, Simon and Schuster

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• Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Bricks, Within Reach, Trusted

  P.G. Wodehouse (2012). “What Ho!: The Best of Wodehouse”, p.18, Random House

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• Golf is the Great Mystery. Like some capricous goddess, it bestows its favours with what would appear an almost fat-headed lack of method and discrimination. On every side we see big two-fisted he-men floundering round in three figures, stopping every few minutes to let through little shrimps with knock-knees and hollow cheeks, who are tearing up snappy seventy-fours.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Golf, Men, Two

  P. G. Wodehouse (1999). “Fore!: The Best of Wodehouse on Golf”, p.189, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

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• Do men who have got all their marbles go swimming in lakes with their clothes on?

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Swimming, Men, Lakes

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• You agreee with me that the situation is a lulu? Certainly, a somewhat sharp crisis in your affairs would appear to have been precipitated, Sir.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Affair, Crisis, Situation

  P.G. Wodehouse (2009). “The Code of the Woosters: (Jeeves & Wooster)”, p.36, Random House

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• Mere abuse is no criticism.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Abuse, Criticism, Mere

  P.G. Wodehouse (2000). “The Most Of P.G. Wodehouse”, p.606, Simon and Schuster

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• Great pals we've always been. In fact there was a time when I had an idea I was in love with Cynthia. However, it blew over. A dashed pretty and lively and attractive girl, mind you, but full of ideals and all that. I may be wronging her, but I have an idea that she's the sort of girl who would want a fellow to carve out a career and what not. I know I've heard her speak favourably of Napoleon. So what with one thing and another the jolly old frenzy sort of petered out, and now we're just pals. I think she's a topper, and she thinks me next door to a looney, so everything's nice and matey.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Girl, Nice, Thinking

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• It would take more than long-stemmed roses to change my view that you're a despicable cowardy custard and a disgrace to a proud family. Your ancestors fought in the Crusades and were often mentioned in despatches, and you cringe like a salted snail at the thought of appearing as Santa Claus before an audience of charming children who wouldn't hurt a fly. It's enough to make an aunt turn her face to the wall and give up the struggle.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Hurt, Children, Giving Up

  P. G. Wodehouse (1994). “The Theatre Omnibus”, Hutchinson Radius

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• I never was interested in politics. I'm quite unable to work up any kind of belligerent feeling. Just as I'm about to feel belligerent about some country I meet a decent sort of chap. We go out together and lose any fighting thoughts or feelings.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Country, Fighting, Feelings

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• Mr Howard Saxby, literary agent, was knitting a sock. He knitted a good deal, he would tell you if you asked him, to keep himself from smoking, adding that he also smoked a good deal to keep himself from knitting.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Knitting, Smoking, Agents

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• A girl who bonnets a policeman with an ashcan full of bottles is obviously good wife-and-mother timber.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Girl, Mother, Wife

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• Bertie," he said, "I want your advice." "Carry on." "At least, not your advice, because that wouldn't be much good to anybody. I mean, you're a pretty consummate old [prat], aren't you? Not that I want to hurt your feelings, of course." "No, no, I see that." "What I wish you to do is put the whole thing to that fellow Jeeves of yours, and see what he suggests.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Hurt, Mean, Advice

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• But what is the love life of newts, if you boil it right down? Didn't you tell me once that they just waggled their tails at one another in the mating season?''Quite correct.' I shrugged my shoulders. 'Well all right, if they like it. But it's not my idea of molten passion.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Passion, Love Life, Ideas

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• Well, you know, there are limits to the sacred claims of friendship.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Sacred, Limits, Claims

  P. G. Wodehouse, David A. Jasen (1997). “Enter Jeeves: 15 Early Stories”, p.51, Courier Corporation

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• You would be miserable if you had to go through life with a human doormat with 'Welcome' written on him. You want some one made of sterner stuff. You want, as it were, a sparring-partner, some one with whom you can quarrel happily with the certain knowledge that he will not curl up in a ball for you to kick, but will be there with the return wallop.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Sparring Partner, Curls, Would Be

  P. G. Wodehouse (2009). “Piccadilly Jim: Easyread Super Large 24pt Edition”, p.405, ReadHowYouWant.com

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• We do not tell old friends beneath our roof-tree that they are an offence to the eyesight.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Tree, Old Friends, Roof

  P. G. Wodehouse (2015). “Right Ho, Jeeves”, p.15, Booklassic

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• We Woosters freeze like the dickens when we seek sympathy and meet with cold reserve. "Nothing further Jeeves", I said with quiet dignity.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Jeeves, Dignity, Quiet

  P.G. Wodehouse (2009). “The Inimitable Jeeves: (Jeeves & Wooster)”, p.210, Random House

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• I suppose he must have taken about a nine or something in hats. Shows what a rotten thing it is to let your brain develop too much.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Taken, Brain, Rotten

  P. G. Wodehouse (1999). “A Wodehouse Bestiary”, p.46, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

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