Arj Barker Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• I fainted last night! Luckily I was going to bed at the time so I didn't get hurt.

  Arj Barker

  Hurt, Night, Bed

  5 Copy quote

• I was in a real conservative area just outside of Chicago recently. And this guy's like, 'Hey, Arj, you're from San Francisco. Are you in favor of gay marriage?' I was like, 'Well, I'd like to get to know you a little bit better first. I don't know what ever happened to buying a guy a smoothie and seeing what happens. That's how we do it back home.

  Arj Barker

  Real, Home, Gay

  10 Copy quote

• It's too difficult to convey tone in electronic communication. And we can solve this my friends. All we need is some new fonts. 'Great party Arj. Best party ever.' What a jerk! How do you know he wasn't being sincere, Arj? Because he wrote it in Sarcastica! If he had enjoyed himself, he would have used Good Times Roman.

  Arj Barker

  Party, Communication, Needs

  5 Copy quote

• My general rule of thumb is, once something's a ride at Disneyland, I assume that it is no longer a threat in real life. Which is why I don't expect to get attacked by a giant tea cup anytime soon.

  Arj Barker

  Real, Tea, Giants

  7 Copy quote

• Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets - unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel. Then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.

  Arj Barker

  Military, Discovery, Secret

  4 Copy quote

• Home is wherever I am. People make too big a deal about where you live. I try to be grounded in myself. Home is another way of saying 'a place where you keep all your stuff'.

  Arj Barker

  Home, People, Trying

  4 Copy quote

• The other day I saw a guy with a sign that said, WHERE WILL YOU SPEND ETERNITY? Which freaked me out because I was on my way to the Department of Motor Vehicles.

  Arj Barker

  Motor Vehicles, Guy, Way

  4 Copy quote

• I couldn't get away with Halloween pranks 'cause my parents owned the health food store. So, it was so easy to bust me. I was the only kid on the block egging houses with those big 'ole brown eggs. Like, you didn't have to be a detective to figure it out. 'Oh, I wonder who Tofuttied my mailbox. Is it the same evil genius who filled my bird bath with Rice Dream?

  Arj Barker

  Dream, Block, Halloween

  6 Copy quote

• I was troubled by the presence of a shoe museum because it forced me to ask a very burning question: would my body be able to physically survive the amount of dope I would need to smoke in order to visit a shoeseum?

  Arj Barker

  Dope, Museums, Order

  4 Copy quote

• My friend and I were up to all sorts of shenanigans at school. But one time it ended up disrupting the whole class and we got in trouble. His parents told him he wasn't allowed to hang out with me any more. I had a friendship break-up in third grade. It was brutal.

  Arj Barker

  School, Class, Parent

  10 Copy quote

• I was a typical kid. I dug holes in the yard, threw rocks, had plum battles with the neighbours and used trash can lids as shields. I was always outside getting dirty.

  Arj Barker

  Dirty, Kids, Rocks

  5 Copy quote

• I never thought I'd be a comedian. But, growing up, I simply loved watching comedy. The '80s was huge for comedy in the US. Eddie Murphy blew me away with his film Delirious.

  Arj Barker

  Growing Up, Comedian, Comedy

  4 Copy quote

• There are so many types of shoes. There's so many categories, and I really have no idea what type of shoe I need at any given time. And I go in there - I find it a little bit overwhelming. 'Welcome to the shoe store! What are you looking for? Are you looking for walking shoes?' Well, uh, I'd like to have that option. Hopefully, they're adjustable. I mean, I'd like to be able to turn them up to other settings, as well.

  Arj Barker

  Mean, Shoes, Ideas

  4 Copy quote

• You know the little camel on the pack of cigarettes? They just found out that's not even a camel. It's actually a horse with a big, old tumor growing out of its mouth.

  Arj Barker

  Horse, Smoking, Camels

  6 Copy quote

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