Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.
Nobuddy ever listened t' reason on a empty stomach.
A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.
Some folks pay a compliment like they went down in their pocket for it.
I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.
Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.
Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers.
Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.
Very often the quiet fellow has said all he knows
A loafer always has the correct time.
The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
Don't a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something.
When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done
When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.
Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.
Plain spoken people get most of the recognition because folks are afraid of them.
The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening.
Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble.
Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause.
Lots of fellows think a home is only good to borrow money on.
A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married.
As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith.
Never tell the box-office man that you can't hear well or he will sell you a seat where you can't see either.
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