Dave Barry Quotes - Page 26

Quotes about:

• I am much more likely to care about someone trying to be funny and give them some credit for whatever he or she did that was remotely funny than I am to be mused by somebody declaring this isn't funny, that isn't funny, this sucks. If you want to write humor, you're going to have to get used to that.

  Dave Barry

  Writing, Giving, Trying

  Source: www.writersdigest.com

  4 Copy quote

• Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress.

  Dave Barry

  Smart, Writing, Editors

  4 Copy quote

• UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.

  Dave Barry

  Squares, Feet, Vacuums

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry in Cyberspace”, p.21, Ballantine Books

  4 Copy quote

• Smee! Raise the Ladies!

  Dave Barry

  Raises

  4 Copy quote

• France: As a professional journalist, I like the idea of a society where it is considered an acceptable occupation to basically sit around and drink.

  Dave Barry

  Ideas, Occupation, France

  4 Copy quote

• Avoid the traffic by using one of the park's shuttle buses and view the elk rut with a park ranger.

  Dave Barry

  Views, Parks, Elk

  5 Copy quote

• The thing I have learned, especially in the Internet age, probably the easiest thing in the world is to declare that something is not funny. I mean it's not actually humor to say something is not funny, but it is viewed by a lot of people - and by that I mean mainly snarky young Internet men - as a kind of humor in and of itself is putting down other people's efforts at humor. And I don't care that much anymore about that because I know how easy that is to do.

  Dave Barry

  Mean, Men, People

  Source: www.writersdigest.com

  4 Copy quote

• A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp.

  Dave Barry

  Looks, Pounds, Results

  8 Copy quote

• The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

  Dave Barry

  Literature, Computer, Internet

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry in Cyberspace”, p.8, Ballantine Books

  9 Copy quote

• Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

  Dave Barry

  Guitar, Tables, Picnics

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.12, Ballantine Books

  7 Copy quote

• Socially prominent people are very fond of disease, because it gives them a chance to have these really elaborate charity functions, and the newspaper headlines say 'EVENING IN PARIS BALL RAISES MONEY TO FIGHT GOUT' instead of 'RICH PEOPLE AMUSE THEMSELVES'.

  Dave Barry

  Fighting, Paris, People

  Dave Barry (1989). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, Ballantine Books

  4 Copy quote

• If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?

  Dave Barry

  Smart, Europe, People

  4 Copy quote

• Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.

  Dave Barry

  Crazy, Reading, Literature

  7 Copy quote

• Generally the pythons are better than anything else at killing.

  Dave Barry

  Python, Killing

  Source: www.chicagotribune.com

  6 Copy quote

• Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which one you go to: Under federal law, all malls in the United States must have the same 42 chain stores.

  Dave Barry

  Home, Law, Shopping

  7 Copy quote

• With a novel, you have the reader with you a lot longer, and you owe him a lot more. Obviously you have to have a plot - I say "obviously," although I think a lot of fiction doesn't, and nothing seems to happen. But to me, there should be something that happens, and it should be at least vaguely plausible. And because the readers are going to be with these characters for a long time, you have to get to know them and like them and want to know what happens to them.

  Dave Barry

  Character, Thinking, Long

  Source: www.chicagotribune.com

  4 Copy quote

• Weddings are crazy. When you get right down to it, a wedding is a party, and not an important party, really. But for young people, it becomes the biggest thing in their lives. After it's over, they realize it wasn't that big a deal.

  Dave Barry

  Crazy, Party, People

  Source: www.chicagotribune.com

  4 Copy quote

• I am a superior form of human and I have absolutely no quirks or irrational impulses of any kind.

  Dave Barry

  Kind, Form, Quirks

  Source: www.chicagotribune.com

  4 Copy quote

• As far as outlining is concerned, I don't outline humor. I might right down a word or two to remind myself of a punch line I thought of, but the actual structure of a piece I really don't. I don't think it would really help me because for me the process is joke, joke, joke, joke.

  Dave Barry

  Thinking, Two, Pieces

  Source: www.writersdigest.com

  6 Copy quote

• My current computer, in addition to 'DOS,' has 'Windows,' which is another invention of Bill Gates, designed as a security measure to thwart those users who are somehow able to get past DOS.

  Dave Barry

  Past, Bills, Able

  "Lost in cyberspace" by Dave Barry, www.washingtonpost.com. February 6, 1994.

  4 Copy quote

• You kids have fun, and be home by Thanksgiving!" our parents would call to us on Halloween night, as we staggered out the front door, weighed down by hundreds of pounds of concealed vandalism supplies, including enough raw eggs to feed Somalia for decades. By morning, thanks to our efforts, the entire neighborhood would be covered with a layer of congealed shaving cream and toilet paper that, around certain unpopular neighbors' homes, was hundreds of feet thick. This is how the Appalachian Mountains were formed.

  Dave Barry

  Morning, Fun, Halloween

  11 Copy quote

• The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only by traffic cones.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Running, Travel

  5 Copy quote

• As long as humanity has been human, it has looked toward the heavens and dreamed that some day, some way, there would be giant federal contracts involved.

  Dave Barry

  Long, Heaven, Humanity

  4 Copy quote

• Congress is thinking about eliminating a federal program under which scientists broadcast signals to Alien beings. This would be a large mistake. Alien beings have atomic blaster death cannons. You cannot cut off their federal programs as if they were merely poor people.

  Dave Barry

  Mistake, Cutting, Thinking

  "Dave Barry's Bad Habits". Book by Dave Barry, September 15, 1993.

  4 Copy quote

• There are no bad haircuts in cyberspace.

  Dave Barry

  Cyberspace, Internet, Free Speech

  5 Copy quote

Page 26 of 33

First

← Prev

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin