Funny Mothers Day Quotes

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Erma Bombeck

Inspirational, Mothers Day, Mom

59 Copy quote
God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.

Rudyard Kipling

Mothers Day, God, Christian

92 Copy quote
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

Erma Bombeck

Funny, Family, Mom

94 Copy quote
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Mark Twain

Mothers Day, Mom, Baby

Mark Twain (1961). “Twain: Wit and Wisecracks”

22 Copy quote

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When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

Sophia Loren

Motivational, Family, Mothers Day

116 Copy quote
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Milton Berle

Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

107 Copy quote
Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.

William Feather

Mothers Day, Mom, Children

William Feather (1949). “The Business of Life”

10 Copy quote

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My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

Bob Monkhouse

Funny, Mom, Mother

"They're not laughing now". www.theguardian.com. December 29, 2003.

17 Copy quote

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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Buddy Hackett

Funny, Family, Mothers Day

99 Copy quote
Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother

Lin Yutang

Mothers Day, Mom, Parenting

18 Copy quote
OF COURSE I'd like to be the ideal mother. But I'm too busy raising children.

Bil Keane

Mother, Children, Parenting

7 Copy quote
Mama was my greatest teacher, a teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness. If love is sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love.

Stevie Wonder

Mothers Day, Mom, Sweet

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

77 Copy quote

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Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

Sam Levenson

Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

46 Copy quote
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Phyllis Diller

Funny, Family, Mom

72 Copy quote
I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.

Abraham Lincoln

Life, Family, Mothers Day

Abraham Lincoln (1907). “The Lincoln Year Book: Axioms and Aphorisms from the Great Emancipator”, p.25, Library of Alexandria

38 Copy quote

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The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Calvin Trillin

Funny, Mothers Day, Mom

48 Copy quote
I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.

George H. W. Bush

Funny, Mother, Food

George H.W. Bush (2009). “Speaking of Freedom: The Collected Speeches”, p.113, Simon and Schuster

34 Copy quote

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I'm a mother with two small children, so I don't take as much crap as I used to.

Pamela Anderson

Mom, Mother, Children

6 Copy quote
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

Theodore Hesburgh

Love, Inspirational, Funny

224 Copy quote
Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.

Lisa Alther

Funny, Mothers Day, Mom

Lisa Alther (2010). “Other Women”, p.36, Open Road Media

61 Copy quote

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A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them.

Victor Hugo

Mothers Day, Mom, Mother Daughter

Victor Hugo (2007). “Hugo's Works: Les Miserables (Fantine)”, p.160, Wildside Press LLC

96 Copy quote

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A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

Peter De Vries

Funny, Mothers Day, Mom

21 Copy quote
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Groucho Marx

Love, Funny, Mothers Day

9 Copy quote
A mother has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

Sophia Loren

Mom, Mother, Children

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

22 Copy quote

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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Rita Rudner

Funny, Mom, Daughter

25 Copy quote