Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.
Golf is the most fun you can have with out taking your clothes off.
Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies.
Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course
One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
Writing is the most fun you can have by yourself.
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.
I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for - getting paid for doing what you love.
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
Golf is very much like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Don't break your heart, but flirt with the possibility.
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