Humorous Birthday Quotes

• Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Funny, Motivational

  645 Copy quote
• 

  The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

  Lucille Ball

  Happy Birthday, Beauty, Funny Birthday

  184 Copy quote

• You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Humorous

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  81 Copy quote

  Show source

• You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

  Germaine Greer

  Life, Happy Birthday, Happiness

  282 Copy quote

• Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

  Arthur Schopenhauer

  Birthday, Congratulations, Age

  163 Copy quote

• Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.

  Maurice Chevalier

  Funny, Birthday, Health

  Quoted in James B. Simpson, Contemporary Quotations (1964)

  36 Copy quote

  Show source

• Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed.

  Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

  Birthday, Growing Up, Getting Older

  76 Copy quote

• There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know.

  Lewis Carroll

  Birthday, Hypocrisy, Four

  Adrian Mitchell, Lewis Carroll (2001). “Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass”, Oberon Books Limited

  16 Copy quote

  Show source

• Time and tide wait for no man.

  Geoffrey Chaucer

  Inspirational, Birthday, Time

  89 Copy quote

• Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.

  Robert Frost

  Funny, Birthday, Time

  13 Copy quote

• When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

  Mark Twain

  Birthday, Growing Up, Memories

  "Mark Twain's Own Autobiography," North American Review, 1 Mar. 1907

  31 Copy quote

  Show source

• Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

  Theodore Roosevelt

  Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Congratulations

  Theodore Roosevelt (2015). “Theodore Roosevelt on Bravery: Lessons from the Most Courageous Leader of the Twentieth Century”, p.7, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  78 Copy quote

  Show source

• If you're not getting older, you're dead.

  Tom Petty

  Funny Birthday, Funny Happy Birthday, Getting Older

  "The Tavis Smiley Show", www.pbs.org. June 15, 2010.

  36 Copy quote

  Show source

• Your True Nature Is Love. There's Nothing You Can Do About It.

  Byron Katie

  Sister, Daughter, Brother

  85 Copy quote

• A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

  Erma Bombeck

  Birthday, Marriage, Husband

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.135, Open Road Media

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• There is still no cure for the common birthday.

  John Glenn

  Happy Birthday, Friends, Funny Birthday

  "Ohio's Sen. Glenn Won't Run Again In 1998" by Candy Crowley, www.cnn.com.

  90 Copy quote

  Show source

• A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

  Robert Frost

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Growing Up

  145 Copy quote

• Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Elderly

  New York Times, 1974.

  57 Copy quote

  Show source

• The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

  Herbert V. Prochnow

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  Herbert V. Prochnow (1994). “1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions”, Baker Publishing Group

  38 Copy quote

  Show source

• They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.

  Malcolm Cowley

  Birthday, Missing You, Mind

  Malcolm Cowley (1982). “The view from 80”, Penguin Books, 1982

  17 Copy quote

  Show source

• Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

  Mary Schmich

  Funny, Birthday, Knowledge

  21 Copy quote

• The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

  Robert Orben

  Birthday, Funny Birthday, Funny Happy Birthday

  19 Copy quote

• If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.

  Anthony

  Birthday, People, Looks

  11 Copy quote

• Of late I appear To have reached that stage When people who look old Who are only my age.

  Richard Armour

  Birthday, People, Age

  11 Copy quote

• I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.

  Eva Gabor

  Birthday, Loyalty, Believe

  17 Copy quote