You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.
You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.
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