Toilet Paper Quotes - Page 2

• If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don't tell me you haven't done it.

  Paul Merton

  House, Done, Paper

  7 Copy quote

• If we all had all we wanted to eat, we'd crap too much. We'd have inflation in the toilet paper industry.

  Jim Thompson

  Paper, Toilets, Wanted

  "The Killer Inside Me".

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• Can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective.

  Shaquille O'Neal

  Basketball, Paper, Toilets

  5 Copy quote

• Like when I'm in the bathroom looking at my toilet paper, I'm like 'Wow! That's toilet paper?' I don't know if we appreciate how much we have.

  Alicia Silverstone

  Gratitude, Appreciate, Paper

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• As with marathon runs and lengths of toilet paper, there had to be standards to measure up to.

  Haruki Murakami

  Running, Paper, Toilets

  Haruki Murakami (1993). “Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World: A Novel”, Vintage

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• How can you put on a meaningful drama when every fifteen minutes proceedings are interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits with toilet paper?

  Rod Serling

  Meaningful, Drama, Dancing

  "American Masters (Rod Serling: Submitted for Your Approval)". TV Series, November 29, 1995.

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• European toilet paper is made from the same material that Americans use for roofing, which is why Europeans tend to remain standing throughout soccer matches.

  Dave Barry

  Soccer, Use, Paper

  "Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need". Book by Dave Barry, 1991.

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• You kids have fun, and be home by Thanksgiving!" our parents would call to us on Halloween night, as we staggered out the front door, weighed down by hundreds of pounds of concealed vandalism supplies, including enough raw eggs to feed Somalia for decades. By morning, thanks to our efforts, the entire neighborhood would be covered with a layer of congealed shaving cream and toilet paper that, around certain unpopular neighbors' homes, was hundreds of feet thick. This is how the Appalachian Mountains were formed.

  Dave Barry

  Morning, Fun, Halloween

  11 Copy quote

• Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Blow

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• Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.

  Jen Lancaster

  Running, Nice, Dark

  Jen Lancaster (2012). “Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner”, p.13, Penguin

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• I cut coupons, love specials and believe in buying toilet paper and toothpaste in bulk. It's just who I am.

  Hilary Swank

  Believe, Cutting, Who I Am

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Art is borne out of necessity. Music is a tool and men are doers. When a relationship is working, you don't need to write a song-you need to get toilet paper.

  Sxip Shirey

  Song, Art, Writing

  4 Copy quote

• Most of the time he [Marlon Brando] sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper.

  Rex Reed

  Art, Sound, Paper

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• People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Work, Coffee

  7 Copy quote

• The wide screen reminds me of a roll of toilet paper.

  Yasujiro Ozu

  Paper, Toilets, Filmmaker

  41 Copy quote

• Because we've become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper. Just how rapidly are we talking? 'Cause I don't want to have to play Beat the Clock in the thicket.

  Bill Engvall

  Talking, Play, Causes

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Mar 28, 2013

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• I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

  Sheryl Crow

  Stupid, Thinking, Law

  "Sheryl Crow Under Fire for Toilet Paper Proposal" by April Rabkin, www.motherjones.com. April 24, 2007.

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• These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Perfect, People, Toilets

  P. J. O'Rourke (2016). “Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of . . .”, p.38, Pan Macmillan

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• The way we live our daily lives is what most effects the situation of the world. If we can change our daily lives, then we can change our governments and can change the world. Our president and governments are us. They reflect our lifestyle and our way of thinking. The way we hold a cup of tea, pick up the newspaper or even use toilet paper are directly related to peace.

  Nhat Hanh

  Peace, Thinking, Government

  16 Copy quote

• The burden of keeping three people in toilet paper seemed to me rather a heavy one.

  Barbara Pym

  People, Three, Paper

  Barbara Pym (2006). “Excellent Women”, p.16, Penguin

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• It's expensive to keep communism alive today. I've already got a huge foreign debt staring me in the face, and I can't reduce it by exporting tomatoes or toilet paper. We should be making dollars any way we can. And we should be exporting arms any way and every way, openly and secretly, legally or by smuggling, I don't care how.

  Nicolae Ceausescu

  War, Live For Today, Dollars

  "Red Horizons: Chronicles of a Communist Spy Chief". Book by Ion Mihai Pacepa, p. 119, 1987.

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• I was given some designer colors for ink pens a long time ago and I haven't used them, and I have some handmade paper, and I just have the desire to drip on wet paper. It reminds me of when I was seven years old and had my tonsils out, and one of the first artworks I made was on toilet paper with a colored pencil; it was sort of half paint and half colored pencil. But I got very involved with color and absorption and I think, you know, 78 is a good time to go back to the beginning.

  Barbara Hammer

  Thinking, Long, Desire

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• Gambling is so pervasive in Nevada that maybe the state should just go the whole hog. There'd be gum machines that dispensed chewing tobacco if you lost. You could gamble for the toilet paper in public bathroom stalls. And fill out Keno cards in an attempt to win cancer therapy at the hospital.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Cancer, Winning, Gambling

  4 Copy quote

• I'm like toilet paper, toothpaste and certain amenities - I'm proven to be good. I've still got 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years left.

  Shaquille O'Neal

  Years, Paper, Toilets

  5 Copy quote

• Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean.

  Terrence Howard

  Baby, House, Wipe

  "Howard's Den". Interview with Andrew Goldman, www.elle.com. August 1, 2007.

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