Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
Golf is a game in which you yell "for," shoot six, and write down five.
The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive.
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.
I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser.
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.