Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.
If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.
The first hundred years are the hardest.
It's getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.
Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen Hey, you
The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'
I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.
Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.
A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.
The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.
A fellow who is always declaring that he's no fool, usually has his suspicions.
I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.
The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.
To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.
There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
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