Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
It is also said of me that I now and then contradict myself. Yes, I improve wonderfully as time goes on.
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.
Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.
A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
The path of sound credence is through the thick forest of skepticism.
In the theatre, a hero is one who believes that all women are ladies, a villain one who believes that all ladies are women.
Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.
Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.
I drink to make other people interesting.
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
Common sense, in so far as it exists, is all for the bourgeoisie. Nonsense is the privilege of the aristocracy. The worries of the world are for the common people.
All that is necessary to raise imbecility into what the mob regards as profundity is to lift it off the floor and put it on a platform.
A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.
Opening Night: The night before the play is ready to open.
Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.
An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.
To speak of morals in art is to speak of legislature in sex. Art is the sex of the imagination.
Sex touches the heavens only when it simultaneously touches the gutter and the mud.
It is only the cynicism that is born of success that is penetrating and valid.
So long as there is one pretty girl left on the stage, the professional undertakers may hold up their burial of the theater.
I know many married men, I even know a few happily married men, but I don't know one who wouldn't fall down the first open coal hole running after the first pretty girl who gave him a wink.
A broken heart is a monument to a love that will never die; fulfillment is a monument to a love that is already on its deathbed.
The triumph of sugar over diabetes.
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