Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.
A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.
It is also said of me that I now and then contradict myself. Yes, I improve wonderfully as time goes on.
The path of sound credence is through the thick forest of skepticism.
Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.
In the theatre, a hero is one who believes that all women are ladies, a villain one who believes that all ladies are women.
Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.
I drink to make other people interesting.
An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
Common sense, in so far as it exists, is all for the bourgeoisie. Nonsense is the privilege of the aristocracy. The worries of the world are for the common people.
All that is necessary to raise imbecility into what the mob regards as profundity is to lift it off the floor and put it on a platform.
A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.
Opening Night: The night before the play is ready to open.
To speak of morals in art is to speak of legislature in sex. Art is the sex of the imagination.
Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.
Criticism is the windows and chandeliers of art: it illuminates the enveloping darkness in which art might otherwise rest only vaguely discernible, and perhaps altogether unseen.
The notion that as a man grows older his illusions leave him is not quite true. What is true is that his early illusions are supplanted by new, and to him, equally convincing illusions.
I drink so the others become interesting.
Sex touches the heavens only when it simultaneously touches the gutter and the mud.
The triumph of sugar over diabetes.
There is something distinguished about even his failures; they sink not trivially, but with a certain air of majesty, like a great ship, its flags flying, full of holes.
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