Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
It is also said of me that I now and then contradict myself. Yes, I improve wonderfully as time goes on.
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.
Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.
A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
The path of sound credence is through the thick forest of skepticism.
In the theatre, a hero is one who believes that all women are ladies, a villain one who believes that all ladies are women.
Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.
Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.
I drink to make other people interesting.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
Common sense, in so far as it exists, is all for the bourgeoisie. Nonsense is the privilege of the aristocracy. The worries of the world are for the common people.
All that is necessary to raise imbecility into what the mob regards as profundity is to lift it off the floor and put it on a platform.
A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.
An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.
Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.
Opening Night: The night before the play is ready to open.
To speak of morals in art is to speak of legislature in sex. Art is the sex of the imagination.
Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a brand of beer exactly to his taste, he should at once throw up his job and go to work inthe brewery.
I have yet to find a man worth his salt in any direction who did not think of himself first and foremost.
All one has to do to gather a large crowd in New York is to stand on the curb a few minutes and gaze intently at the sky.
A ham is simply any actor who has not been successful in repressing his natural instincts.
A ready way to lose your friend is to lend him money. Another equally ready way to lose him is to refuse to lend him money. It is six of one and a half dozen of the other.
The notion that as a man grows older his illusions leave him is not quite true. What is true is that his early illusions are supplanted by new, and to him, equally convincing illusions.
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