Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.
The path of sound credence is through the thick forest of skepticism.
Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.
Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.
I drink to make other people interesting.
All that is necessary to raise imbecility into what the mob regards as profundity is to lift it off the floor and put it on a platform.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.
Common sense, in so far as it exists, is all for the bourgeoisie. Nonsense is the privilege of the aristocracy. The worries of the world are for the common people.
In the theatre, a hero is one who believes that all women are ladies, a villain one who believes that all ladies are women.
A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.
To speak of morals in art is to speak of legislature in sex. Art is the sex of the imagination.
Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.
An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.
Opening Night: The night before the play is ready to open.
A man may be said to love most truly that woman in whose company he can feel drowsy in comfort.
The triumph of sugar over diabetes.
I drink so the others become interesting.
Like everybody else, when I don't know what else to do, I seem to go in for catching colds.
A broken heart is a monument to a love that will never die; fulfillment is a monument to a love that is already on its deathbed.
All one has to do to gather a large crowd in New York is to stand on the curb a few minutes and gaze intently at the sky.
A ham is simply any actor who has not been successful in repressing his natural instincts.
Sex touches the heavens only when it simultaneously touches the gutter and the mud.
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