Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.
In the theatre, a hero is one who believes that all women are ladies, a villain one who believes that all ladies are women.
The path of sound credence is through the thick forest of skepticism.
Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.
Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.
I drink to make other people interesting.
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
Common sense, in so far as it exists, is all for the bourgeoisie. Nonsense is the privilege of the aristocracy. The worries of the world are for the common people.
All that is necessary to raise imbecility into what the mob regards as profundity is to lift it off the floor and put it on a platform.
A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.
Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.
An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.
Opening Night: The night before the play is ready to open.
To speak of morals in art is to speak of legislature in sex. Art is the sex of the imagination.
Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a brand of beer exactly to his taste, he should at once throw up his job and go to work inthe brewery.
One does not go to the theater to see life and nature; one goes to see the particular way in which life and nature happen to look to a cultivated, imaginative and entertaining man who happens, in turn, to be a playwright.
There is something distinguished about even his failures; they sink not trivially, but with a certain air of majesty, like a great ship, its flags flying, full of holes.
Men go to the theatre to forget; women, to remember.
An actor without a playwright is like a hole without a doughnut.
I know many married men, I even know a few happily married men, but I don't know one who wouldn't fall down the first open coal hole running after the first pretty girl who gave him a wink.
A ham is simply any actor who has not been successful in repressing his natural instincts.
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