The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.
I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.
The terrorist is the one with the small bomb.
They took away our land, our language, and our religion; but they could never harness our tongues...
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.
The only thing I envy in young people is their livers.
The English and Americans dislike only some Irish--the same Irish that the Irish themselves detest, Irish writers--the ones that think.
I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
I'm a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.
An author's first duty is to let down his country.
I am a drinker with writing problems.
New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
Every cripple has his own way of walking.
I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.
I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.
Many a man has decided to stay alive not because of the will to live but because of the determination not to give assorted surviving bastards the satisfaction of his death.
Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
Scream at God if that's the only thing that will get results.
I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.
One drink is to many for me and a thousand not enough.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
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