I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.
Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.
Bette [Davis] and I are good friends. There's nothing I wouldn't say to her face - both of them.
If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.
In my lifetime I've been to bed with men, women, and odd pieces of furniture.
... all my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.
Going down on a woman gives me a stiff neck, going down on a man gives me lockjaw and conventional sex gives me claustrophobia.
I'm as pure as the driven slush.
Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.
I've had a man and I've had a woman, and there's got to be something better.
Whatever you have read I have said is almost certainly untrue, except if it is funny, in which case I definitely said it.
The less I behave like Whistler's mother the night before, the more I look like her the morning after.
My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.
They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.
They aren't making mirrors like they use to.
Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
Say anything about me, darling, as long as it isn't boring.
Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.
Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know, I've been using it for years
Drink reacts on its practitioners in conflicting ways. One brave can knock off a quart of Scotch and look and act as sober as Herbert Hoover. Another, after three Martinis, makes two-cushion carroms off the chaise lounge as he attempts to negotiate the bathroom.
Will TV kill the theater? If the programs I have seen, save for "Kukla, Fran and Ollie," the ball games and the fights, are any criterion, the theater need not wake up in a cold sweat.
I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.
I thought I told you to wait in the car.
I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right.
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