Dave Barry Quotes

Quotes about:

• If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

  Dave Barry

  God, Swimming, Whales

  11 Copy quote

• Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

  Dave Barry

  Education, Trying, Ark

  106 Copy quote

• I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with shoe color. Also, females tend to reach emotional maturity very quickly, so that by age 7 they are no longer capable of seeing the humor in loud inadvertent public blasts of flatulence, whereas males can continue to derive vast enjoyment from this well into their 80s.

  Dave Barry

  Emotional, Maturity, Shoes

  11 Copy quote

• Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.

  Dave Barry

  Yummy, Hands, Years

  Dave Barry (2011). “Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down”, p.60, Ballantine Books

  82 Copy quote

• Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

  Dave Barry

  God, Stupid, Abuse

  17 Copy quote

• You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

  Dave Barry

  Cute, Birthday, Teenage

  29 Copy quote

• Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

  Dave Barry

  God, Jobs, Laughing

  16 Copy quote

• It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.

  Dave Barry

  Coffee, Views, Espresso

  Dave Barry (2011). “Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down”, p.126, Ballantine Books

  33 Copy quote

• If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

  Dave Barry

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  22 Copy quote

• A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

  Dave Barry

  Inspirational, Children, Perfect Parents

  24 Copy quote

• No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

  Dave Barry

  Inspirational, Balance, Matter

  Dave Barry (1998). “Dave Barry Turns 50”, Crown

  60 Copy quote

• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  Dave Barry

  God, Writing, Stupidity

  19 Copy quote

• The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club

  Dave Barry

  Country, Night, Fire

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Turns Forty”, p.124, Ballantine Books

  78 Copy quote

• A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

  Dave Barry

  Light, Three, Paper

  14 Copy quote

• If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Marriage, Humor

  14 Copy quote

• Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities.

  Dave Barry

  Years, Colorado, Emergencies

  22 Copy quote

• The objective is not so much to walk your dog, as it is to empty him.

  Dave Barry

  Dog, Empty, Walks

  13 Copy quote

• If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

  Dave Barry

  Life And Love, Business, Humor

  Dave Barry (1999). “Dave Barry Turns 50”, Random House Digital, Inc.

  87 Copy quote
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  When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

  Dave Barry

  Leadership, Business, Crazy

  Dave Barry (1998). “Dave Barry Turns 50”, Crown

  72 Copy quote

• If you look at photos of the Gettysburg Address there's a guy off to the right who I think is Keith Richards.

  Dave Barry

  Thinking, Guy, Looks

  Source: www.bostonglobe.com

  13 Copy quote

• There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.

  Dave Barry

  Inspiring, Sunshine, Two

  25 Copy quote

• I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Music, Hate

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Does Japan”, p.117, Ballantine Books

  17 Copy quote
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  A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

  Dave Barry

  Inspirational, Motivational, Respect

  Dave Barry (1998). “Dave Barry Turns 50”, Crown

  126 Copy quote

• I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

  Dave Barry

  God, Ice, Stupidity

  21 Copy quote

• Scientists tell us that the fastest animal in the world, with a speed of 120 mph, is a cow dropped out of a helicopter.

  Dave Barry

  Science, Animal, Mph

  38 Copy quote

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