Milton Berle Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

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  If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

• My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Running, Health

• A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

  Milton Berle

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

• You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Inspiring, Graduation

• It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Money, Funny Money

• The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Hilarious, Women

• They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Life, Hilarious

• I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Money, Humor

• We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Humor, Television Watching

• A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Witty, Jobs

• My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Christmas, Money

• Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

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• twitter
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• email
• linkedin