Money isn't the most important thing in life, but it's reasonably close to oxygen on the 'gotta have it' scale.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
Money doesn't change you; it reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Money won't make you happy... but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Somebody said to me, 'But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.' That's a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, 'Now, let's write a swimming pool.'
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.
Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.
Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.
Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did.
Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.
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