Funny Money Quotes - Page 4

• Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Christmas, Money

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.136, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• Never spend your money before you have earned it.

  Thomas Jefferson

  Money, Debt Free, Owing A Debt

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• The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.

  Katharine Whitehorn

  Funny, Inspiring, Money

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• What difference does it make how much you have? What you do not have amounts to much more.

  Seneca the Younger

  Funny, Inspiring, Sarcastic

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• It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Money

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• I despise the Lottery. There's less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit on the head by a passing asteroid.

  Brian May

  Funny, Money, Asteroids

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Money, Work

  George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.206, Hachette UK

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• Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.

  Herman Wouk

  Book, Income, Fiction

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• The rich. You know why they're so odd? Because they can afford to be.

  Robert Wuhl

  Money, Odd, Rich

  "Fictional character: Alexander Knox". "Batman", www.imdb.com. 1989.

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• If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.

  J. Paul Getty

  Money, Funny Inspirational, Motivation

  "he Five Rules for Successful Stock Investing". Book by Pat Dorsey & ‎Joe Mansueto, p. 234, 2003.

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• Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pound ought and six, result misery.

  Charles Dickens

  Happiness, Money, Business

  David Copperfield ch. 12 (1850)

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• Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop

  Gertrude Stein

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

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• There is nothing wrong with a woman welcoming all men's advances as long as they are in cash

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Funny, Money, Men

  96 Copy quote

• Money can't buy happiness—but it can buy beer.

  Gary Reilly

  Money, Beer, Wealth And Happiness

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• I made my money the old-fashioned way, I inherited it.

  John Raese

  Money, Way, Made

  "The Ed Show" with Ed Schultz, www.nbcnews.com. September 24, 2010.

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• To make a million, start with $900,000.

  Morton Shulman

  Money, Millions

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• I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.

  Francois Rabelais

  Money, Famous Last Words, Poor

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• It is good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good too, to check up once in a while and make sure you haven't lost the things money can't buy.

  George Horace Lorimer

  Happiness, Leadership, Money

  George Horace Lorimer (2006). “Old Gorgon Graham: More Letters from a Self-made Merchant to His Son”, p.251, Cosimo, Inc.

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• Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled

  Dan Quayle

  Funny, Money, Party

  53 Copy quote

• Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

  Joan Rivers

  Hilarious, Sailing, Pay

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• Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

  Woody Allen

  Money, Children, Order

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• I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.

  Malcolm Forbes

  Money, Nice, Way

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Tax deductible, That's what you are: Tax deductible. Just like my car, like a gift to local charity, you give my 1040 clarity

  Steven Zelin

  Giving, Car, Charity

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• It's money. I remember it from when I was single

  Billy Crystal

  Funny, Money, Financial

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• Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

  J. Paul Getty

  Funny, Children, Wellness

  84 Copy quote