Funny Money Quotes - Page 3

• It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich.

  Alan Alda

  Funny, Happiness, Money

  17 Copy quote

• The lack of money is the root of all evil.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Bible, Sarcastic

  Mark Twain, John Sutton Tuckey (1980). “The Devil's Race-track: Mark Twain's Great Dark Writings : the Best from Which was the Dream? and Fables of Man”, p.337, Univ of California Press

  150 Copy quote

  Show source

• Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery

  Beverly Johnson

  Funny, Money, Should Have

  50 Copy quote

• Somebody said to me, 'But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.' That's a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, 'Now, let's write a swimming pool.'

  Paul McCartney

  Funny, Money, Writing

  "Paul McCartney: One for the Road". Interview with David Fricke, www.rollingstone.com. February 08, 1990.

  18 Copy quote

  Show source

• I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Money, Humor

  8 Copy quote

• I'm so naive about finances. Once when my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn't understand, she had to explain: 'That's like three Mercedes.' Then I understood.

  Brooke Shields

  Funny, Mother, Money

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• Money is like manure; it's not worth a thing unless it's spread around encouraging young things to grow.

  Thornton Wilder

  Encouraging, Money, Humorous

  "The Matchmaker". Play by Thornton Wilder. Act 4, 1957.

  16 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

  Earl Wilson

  Love, Couple, Debt Free

  95 Copy quote

• I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

  Steve Martin

  Love, Funny, Beautiful

  41 Copy quote
• 

  A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Hilarious, Sarcastic

  Quoted in Alan Harrington, Life in the Crystal Palace (1959).

  289 Copy quote

  Show source

• A bank book makes good reading - better than some novels.

  Sir Harry Lauder

  Money, Book, Reading

  7 Copy quote

• Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Money, Husband

  9 Copy quote

• If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

  Aristotle Onassis

  Funny Love, Witty, Money

  Quoted in Barbara Rowes, The Book of Quotes (1979)

  154 Copy quote

  Show source

• A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Sarcastic, Money

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  343 Copy quote

  Show source

• Money often costs too much.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Life, Money, Greatest Wealth

  Ralph Waldo Emerson, Barbara L. Packer, Joseph Slater, Douglas Emory Wilson (2003). “The Conduct of Life”, p.58, Harvard University Press

  21 Copy quote

  Show source

• We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules.

  Buzzie Bavasi

  Money, Gold, Wealth

  47 Copy quote

• A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart.

  Jonathan Swift

  Inspirational, Success, Wise

  Jonathan Swift, Thomas Sheridan, John Nichols (1808). “Works”, p.380

  57 Copy quote

  Show source

• Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.

  Ayn Rand

  Inspirational, Money, Powerful

  Ayn Rand (2016). “Atlas Shrugged”, p.315, Hamilton Books

  85 Copy quote

  Show source

• This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

  Douglas Adams

  Inspirational, Happiness, Money

  Douglas Adams (2009). “The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy”, p.8, Pan Macmillan

  23 Copy quote

  Show source

• Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

  Kinky Friedman

  Friendship, Dog, Money

  84 Copy quote
• 

  Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

  Robin Williams

  Funny, Money, Humor

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  117 Copy quote

  Show source

• I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

  Jackie Mason

  Funny, Money, Humorous

  Jackie Mason (1983). “Jackie Mason's America”, Lyle Stuart

  46 Copy quote

  Show source

• The glow of one warm thought is to me worth more than money.

  Thomas Jefferson

  Money, War, Famous Inspirational

  Thomas Jefferson, Jerry Holmes (2002). “Thomas Jefferson: A Chronology of His Thoughts”, p.18, Rowman & Littlefield

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

  Spike Milligan

  Funny, Life, Happiness

  95 Copy quote

• I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Inspiring, Money

  7 Copy quote