Jon Stewart Quotes - Page 9

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• While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and balanced Vermont's budget - all traditionally conservative policies. Dean also received an 'A' rating from the National Rifle Association, which I think you can't get unless you've killed a guy.

  Jon Stewart

  New York, Cutting, Thinking

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• I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.

  Jon Stewart

  People, Trying, Lines

  Source: www.pbs.org

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• But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist many other forms of government in the world today, and that dozens of foreign governments still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them.

  Jon Stewart

  Government, Long, Perfect

  "America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction". Book by Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, 2004.

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• The rise of secularism has brought about an increase in hostility toward things religious.

  Jon Stewart

  Christian, Religious, Increase

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• For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.

  Jon Stewart

  Humorous, Thinking, Catching On

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• In South Carolina, Senator John Edwards won handily, fulfilling his promise to win every state he was born in.

  Jon Stewart

  Winning, Promise, South Carolina

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• That is the American experiment. An ethnic group arriving on America's shores, to be reviled and hazed, living in squalor, or if they are lucky Squalor Heights, working hard to give their children or grandchildren the opportunity to sh*t on the next group landing on our shores.

  Jon Stewart

  Children, Opportunity, America

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• Ralph Nader choose the man with whom to share the responsibility of running a distant third, California activist Peter Camejo. You may remember that Camejo ran for president in 1976 on the Socialist Workers Party ticket. Actually, you might only remember that if you run a lesbian, vegetarian, bookstore.

  Jon Stewart

  Running, Party, Responsibility

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• Robert Torricelli, a powerful fund-raiser who helped raise more than $100 million for the Democratic party, took inappropriate gifts from a businessman, including an $8,000 gold Rolex watch, for which he was severely admonished by the Senate Ethics Committee in July. To recap: raising $100 million in contributions from gigantic corporations - ethical; taking a watch - unethical. That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1974.

  Jon Stewart

  Powerful, Party, July

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• Really, an historic night last night. You may have heard, Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States of America. ... Obama is also the first Democrat to receive more than 50 percent of the vote since Jimmy Carter, the first senator to be elected since Jack Kennedy, the first Muslim to be ... I said too much.

  Jon Stewart

  Night, America, Black

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• That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.

  Jon Stewart

  Years, Feelings, Comedian

  "NOW with Bill Moyers", www.pbs.org. July 11, 2003.

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• Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"

  Jon Stewart

  Inspirational, Gay, Army

  "You Homophobes Just Jealous Gay Weddings will be Better" by Francesca Biller, www.huffingtonpost.com. June 12, 2009.

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• Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Valentine, Mean

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• Apparently the only time the press gets it right is when the White House illegally leaks it to them.

  Jon Stewart

  White, House, Leaks

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• Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.

  Jon Stewart

  Love, Funny, Hate

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• I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Hilarious, Country

  "Vancouver Hockey Riot: Blame Canada!". ew.com. June 16, 2011.

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• I never thought I'd say this, but I miss voter fraud.

  Jon Stewart

  Placebo Effect, Missing, Golden Girls

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• It really does seem that the Democrat's problem isn't that they're calling for timetables - it's that they're calling them 'timetables'. You're up against Bush and the Republicans - you've got to bring some zing. Don't call them timetables - call them 'Patriot Dates', 'Freedom Deadlines'... 'Glory Goals'.

  Jon Stewart

  Goal, Doe, Zing

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• There's a disconnect there between - you're telling me this [war in Iraq] is fight of our generation, and you're going to increase troops by 10 percent. And that's gonna do it. I'm sure what [George W.Bush] would like to do is send 400,000 more troops there, but he can't, because he doesn't have them.

  Jon Stewart

  War, Fighting, Our Generation

  Source: www.truth-out.org

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• Well, I'm sold. I'll take one America.

  Jon Stewart

  America, Wells

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• We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, War, Good Luck

  Commencement Address at The College of William & Mary, delivered 21 May 2004

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• If you smell something, say something.

  Jon Stewart

  Smell, Ifs

  "Jon Stewart Tells Viewers to Be Vigilant Against "Bullshit" in Star-Filled 'Daily Show' Finale" by Hilary Lewis, www.hollywoodreporter.com. August 6, 2015.

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• War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country.

  Jon Stewart

  Country, War, Years

  Interview with Bill Moyers, www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.

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• Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke.

  Jon Stewart

  Firsts, Public Speaking, Jokes

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• The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.

  Jon Stewart

  Beautiful, News, Shows

  "Jon Stewart, Faking It and Making It". "Fresh Air" with Dave Davies, www.npr.org. July 22, 2005.

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