Jon Stewart Quotes - Page 5

Quotes about:

• Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters and these policemen and people from all over the country, literally with buckets, rebuilding... that's extraordinary. And that's why we have already won... they can't... it's light. It's democracy. They can't shut that down.

  Jon Stewart

  Country, Blow, Light

  "Video: Revisiting Jon Stewart's Post-9/11 Speech On 'The Daily Show'". "The Daily Show" with Jon Stewart, gothamist.com. September 20, 2001.

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• After going to war against the U.N.'s expressed wishes, the U.S. is now admitting it needs the U.N.'s help. It's the geopolitical equivalent of the 2 a.m. phone call ever parent dreads: 'Mom, I'm not saying I wrecked the car, but I need a ride home.'

  Jon Stewart

  Mom, War, Home

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• There's nothing like a shipwreck to spark the imagination of everyone who was not on that specific ship.

  Jon Stewart

  Imagination, Sparks, Ships

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• Some people have criticized the United States and the United States military for guarding oil fields and not guarding the Iraqi National Museum which had priceless antiquities in it. They say that this shows a fundamental lack of respect for Iraqi history. I want to remind those people of this: The oldest relics in the museum, 5,000 or 6,000 years old. That oil is 65 million years old. You had to guard that. ... Those antiquities will only last another 5,000 or 6,000 years. When we burn that oil, those fumes will linger long after.

  Jon Stewart

  Military, Years, Oil

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• You think that sense of humor goes as far as our ideology. I think that ultimately, we have we have very interesting reactions on our show. People are constantly saying, "I love your-your show is so funny, until you made a joke about global warming, which is a serious issue, and I can't believe you did that. And I am never watching your show again."

  Jon Stewart

  Believe, Love You, Thinking

  Interview with Bill Moyers, www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.

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• The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame.

  Jon Stewart

  Games, Trying, Blame

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• We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.

  Jon Stewart

  Mother, Dry, Earth

  "Earth (The Book): A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race". Book by Jon Stewart, 2010.

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• I can only fight back in a way that I feel like I'm talented.

  Jon Stewart

  Fighting, Way, Feels

  Interview with Bill Moyers, www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.

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• What are you so mad about? That we still have a government? We still have “traffic lights.” We’re sorry. The government’s not perfect, but some people wish it was better, not gone.

  Jon Stewart

  Sorry, Light, Government

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• You can have all the muskets you want! You can even have assault muskets!...Their (the NRA's) paranoid fear of a possible dystopic future prevents us from addressing our actual dystopic present. We can't even begin to address 30,000 gun deaths that are actually, in reality, happening in this country every year because a few of us must remain vigilant against the rise of an imaginary Hitler.

  Jon Stewart

  Country, Gun, Reality

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• I have to say, as someone who is not a Christian, it’s hard for me to believe Christians are a persecuted people in America. God willing, maybe one of you one day will even rise up and get to be president of this country — or maybe forty-four in a row. But that’s my point, is they’ve taken this idea of no establishment as persecution, because they feel entitled, not to equal status, but to greater status.

  Jon Stewart

  Christian, Country, Believe

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• The thing that [the Senate and the House] don't realize is that everyone wants them to come from beyond that contradiction so that we can all fix it. Nobody is saying, "We don't have a problem." Nobody is saying that, "9/11 didn't happen." What they're saying is, "We're not a fragile country, trust us to have this conversation, so that we can do this in the right way, in a more effective way."

  Jon Stewart

  Country, House, Want

  Source: www.truth-out.org

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• Everyone just needs to get over themselves.

  Jon Stewart

  Needs, Get Over

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• The country of Mexico has just gotten its first Taco Bell. You're Welcome. Finally, Mexicans will have access to... Mexican food. Bon appetit. I can't imagine how confused they will be when they get a taco.

  Jon Stewart

  Country, Confused, Mexican

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• It's like America has a dog that's always shitting inside the house, and we solved the problem by getting a brown rug.

  Jon Stewart

  Dog, America, House

  "Jon Stewart Rips The Public’s Apathy Over Gun Violence" by Ed Mazza, www.huffingtonpost.com. June 3, 2014.

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• 61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.

  Jon Stewart

  Sex, Teens, Graduates

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• I want a sandwich named after me.

  Jon Stewart

  Sandwiches, Want, Fame

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• You guys (Boko Haram) are trying so hard to convince everybody that you're such badasses. But all you've done with this kidnapping is highlight who the real badasses are, the kids you kidnapped. Compared to a teenager who knows that her desire for an education could get her dragged into a snake infested jungle to be sold as a bribe to some demented, stick-chewing cartoon villain but still gets up and goes to class everyday, fully aware of that danger - compared to their courage - I'd say Boko Haram is a bunch of little girls. But, you know what? You don't deserve that compliment.

  Jon Stewart

  Girl, Badass, Teenager

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• Here it is. My moment of zen.

  Jon Stewart

  Moments, Your Mom

  "'Here it is. My moment of zen': Jon Stewart says farewell to The Daily Show". "The Daily Show" with Jon Stewart, www.theguardian.com. August 7, 2015.

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• Are you worried that, when you go to hell, you'll only be taking the local and not be on the express? Why would you look for a loophole to deny coverage to children with preexisting conditions?

  Jon Stewart

  Children, Looks, Hell

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• I have become increasingly unnerved by the depth of corruption that exists at many different levels. I'm less upset with politicians than [with] the media.

  Jon Stewart

  Media, Upset, Depth

  Source: www.wbur.org

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• There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

  Jon Stewart

  Jobs, Heart, Guy

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• All in all it's a pretty great day for major league sports. At long last they've decided that gay people are fit to be included in their elite club-one that's already allowed in adulterers, wife-swappers, gamblers, cheaters, rapists, racists and slaughterers of man. Those who've abused spouses, drugs, alcohol, family members and animals. Congratulations, gay athletes. Are you sure you want to hang out with these people?

  Jon Stewart

  Change, Sports, Congratulations

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• When Henry Hill [in Goodfellas] got arrested for the first time and Robert DeNiro met him at the courthouse and Henry Hill was really upset, 'cause he thought Robert DeNiro would be really mad at him. And DeNiro comes up to him and he gives him a $100 and he goes, "You got pinched. We all get pinched, but you did it right, you didn't say nothing."

  Jon Stewart

  Giving, Mad, Upset

  Source: www.truth-out.org

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• I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.

  Jon Stewart

  Men, Thinking, Ends

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