Jon Stewart Quotes - Page 3

Quotes about:

• The wisdom of the masses is not always wise. You could put a lot of things to a vote-you could have put anti-miscegenation laws to a vote, and that would have passed pretty handily. Either all people are created equal-or they're not. You're either buying into the original premise of America-or you're not.

  Jon Stewart

  Wise, Law, America

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• It's funny. When we were alive we spent much of our time staring up at the cosmos and wondering what was out there. We were obsessed with the moon and whether we could one day visit it. The day we finally walked on it was celebrated worldwide as perhaps man's greatest achievement. But it was while we were there, gathering rocks from the moon's desolate landscape, that we looked up and caught a glimpse of just how incredible our own planet was. Its singular astonishing beauty. We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.

  Jon Stewart

  Mother, Moon, Men

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• Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.

  Jon Stewart

  Fathers Day, Dad, Father Son

  "Late Night with Conan O'Brien", January 29, 2009.

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• A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, "When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off."

  Jon Stewart

  Jesus, Easter, Believe

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• If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?

  Jon Stewart

  Hate, Blessed, Oil

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• Nobody cares that Mitt Romney is rich. It’s Romney’s inability to understand the institutional advantage that he gains from the government’s tax code largesse that’s a little offensive to people. Especially considering Romney’s view on anyone else who looks to the government for things like, I don’t know, food and medicine.

  Jon Stewart

  Government, Views, Medicine

  "Jon Stewart Rips Into Mitt Romney’s Bain Capital, Tax Return Defense" by Christine Friar, www.huffingtonpost.com. July 17, 2012.

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• No matter what your race, creed or sexual preference, there is a word that people use to describe you that is very nasty. It's what we all have in common. That, and masturbation.

  Jon Stewart

  Race, People, Matter

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• We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.

  Jon Stewart

  Together, Foxes, Nations

  "Stewart: FOX Failed To Mention Co-Owner Is One They Accuse Of ‘Terror Funding’" by Katla McGlynn, www.huffingtonpost.com. August 24, 2010.

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• By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.

  Jon Stewart

  Dream, Broken, Bottles

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• We've come from the same history - 2000 years of persecution - we've just expressed our sufferings differently. Blacks developed the blues. Jews complained, we just never thought of putting it to music.

  Jon Stewart

  Years, Suffering, Persecution

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• If someone was to introduce hope and idealism into our political system, I think the tension that would create in other areas would certainly be ripe. You would think that if you bring oxygen to the organism, the organism lives. But there may be other organisms in there that thrive in darkness and in a more anaerobic environment. Watching those creatures writhe will always be interesting.

  Jon Stewart

  Thinking, Oxygen, Interesting

  "No News is Good News" by Adam Bulger, The Hartford Advocate, June 12, 2008.

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• Thomas Jefferson once said: 'Of course the people don't want war. But the people can be brought to the bidding of their leader. All you have to do is tell them they're being attacked and denounce the pacifists for somehow a lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.' I think that was Jefferson. Oh wait. That was Hermann Goering. Shoot." [Hosting the Peabody Awards for broadcasting excellence at the New York Waldorf-Astoria, June 6, 2006]

  Jon Stewart

  Country, New York, War

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• Nobody out-rednecks the great state of America.

  Jon Stewart

  Redneck, America, States

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• I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.

  Jon Stewart

  Nice, Eye, News

  "Jon Stewart’s Best Lines From 'Rumble' Debate With Bill O’Reilly (LIST)", www.huffingtonpost.com. October 7, 2012.

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• We could overcome the baser aspects of our nature... and give this planet the kind of caretakers it deserves.

  Jon Stewart

  Giving, Overcoming, Kind

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• I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.

  Jon Stewart

  Giving, Upset, Care

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• I feel like [God]'s hazing us.

  Jon Stewart

  Hazing, Feels

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• The election moment is merely the American public saying, "We'd rather you be President than that guy." That's it.

  Jon Stewart

  Guy, President, Election

  "Bill Moyers talks with Jon Stewart". "Bill Moyers Journal", www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.

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• Putting the 10 commandments up to prevent crime is like putting 'Employees must wash hands' up to keep the piss out of your burger.

  Jon Stewart

  Hands, Burgers, Crime

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• If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

  Jon Stewart

  Strong, Political, Comedian

  "s Jon Stewart’s brilliant appearance on Egypt’s version of ‘The Daily Show’". www.washingtonpost.com. June 25, 2013.

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• You know, I just want to say to her (Sarah Palin), just very quickly...F-- you.

  Jon Stewart

  Want, Palin, Knows

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• The danger of oppression is not just being oppressed, it's becoming an oppressor.

  Jon Stewart

  Just Being, Becoming, Oppression

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• I know change can be painful. But from change comes growth.

  Jon Stewart

  Change, Growth, Painful

  "Watch Jon Stewart's First 'Daily Show'" by Hilary Lewis, www.hollywoodreporter.com. February 10, 2015.

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• By working to get away from your circumstance you can make something better of yourself, but there’s no guarantee... But you know what? The joy of it is chasing that dream.

  Jon Stewart

  Dream, Joy, Guarantees

  "The Daily Show", March 19, 2009.

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• Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, God, Sorry

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