Erma Bombeck Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

  Erma Bombeck

  Rose, Storage, Burned

  9 Copy quote

• When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.

  Erma Bombeck

  Naps, Tough Times, Chocolate

  36 Copy quote

• To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.

  Erma Bombeck

  Writing, Typewriters, Long

  5 Copy quote

• What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

  Erma Bombeck

  Men, Hair, Growing

  8 Copy quote

• It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Moving, Furniture

  21 Copy quote

• The term 'working mother' is redundant.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Term, Redundant

  12 Copy quote

• Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.

  Erma Bombeck

  Brain, Done, Damage

  8 Copy quote

• If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

  Erma Bombeck

  Pregnancy, Miracle, Wish

  69 Copy quote

• When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Retirement, Children

  90 Copy quote

• Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny Friendship, Garden, Years

  41 Copy quote

• It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.

  Erma Bombeck

  Food, Mean, Boxes

  53 Copy quote

• Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.

  Erma Bombeck

  Forgiveness, Kids, Acting

  35 Copy quote

• Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Independence, Losing

  13 Copy quote

• It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

  Erma Bombeck

  Family, Mom, Mother

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession”, p.10, Open Road Media

  73 Copy quote

• Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

  Erma Bombeck

  Fashion, Design, Literature

  9 Copy quote

• If I had my life to live over again, I would have waxed less and listened more. ... I would have cried and laughed less while watching television ... and more while watching real life. ... But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it ... look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give the minute back until there was nothing left of it.

  Erma Bombeck

  Real, Giving, Trying

  16 Copy quote

• Success is outliving your failures

  Erma Bombeck

  23 Copy quote

• Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Funny, Travel

  152 Copy quote

• Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.

  Erma Bombeck

  4th Of July, Caring, Compassion

  28 Copy quote

• Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.

  Erma Bombeck

  Running, Bored, Elude

  10 Copy quote

• Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Ideas, Two

  24 Copy quote

• If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?

  Erma Bombeck

  Junk, Nests, Empty

  14 Copy quote

• Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Children, Giving

  12 Copy quote

• He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn't afraid to go into the basement by himself. He cut himself shaving, but no one kissed it or got excited about it. It was understood when it rained, he got the car and brought it around to the door. When anyone was sick, he went out to get the prescription filled. He took lots of pictures... but he was never in them.

  Erma Bombeck

  Daughter, Father, Cutting

  19 Copy quote

• Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.

  Erma Bombeck

  Sunset, Kids, Thinking

  22 Copy quote

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