Erma Bombeck Quotes - Page 3

Quotes about:

• If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

  Erma Bombeck

  Pregnancy, Miracle, Wish

  68 Copy quote

• I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

  Erma Bombeck

  Trust, Sex, Giving Up

  71 Copy quote

• The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

  Erma Bombeck

  Tanks, Grass Is Greener On The Other Side, Grass Is Always Greener

  Erma Bombeck (2014). “Es darf auch mal Champagner sein”, p.2, Edel:Books

  19 Copy quote

• I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.

  Erma Bombeck

  Worry, Scientist, Fattening

  10 Copy quote

• It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

  Erma Bombeck

  Dream, Courage, Kindness

  71 Copy quote

• Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.

  Erma Bombeck

  Women, Seems

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “At Wit's End”, p.215, Fawcett

  20 Copy quote

• In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

  Erma Bombeck

  Loss, Two, Pounds

  109 Copy quote

• I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.

  Erma Bombeck

  Laughter, Thinking, Voice

  "A Marriage Made In Heaven; or, Too Tired For an Affair". Book by Erma Bombeck, 1993.

  33 Copy quote

• There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, 'Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams.' Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, 'How good or how bad am I?' That's where courage comes in.

  Erma Bombeck

  Dream, People, Acting

  23 Copy quote

• What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

  Erma Bombeck

  Men, Hair, Growing

  7 Copy quote

• A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.

  Erma Bombeck

  Growing Up, Zippers, Grandparent

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.230, Open Road Media

  33 Copy quote

• When humor go's, there go's civilization.

  Erma Bombeck

  Civilization, Sense Of Humor

  19 Copy quote

• I read one psychologist's theory that said, "Never strike a child in your anger." When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?

  Erma Bombeck

  Family, Children, Sunday

  24 Copy quote

• Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

  Erma Bombeck

  Fashion, Design, Literature

  9 Copy quote

• One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

  Erma Bombeck

  Sarcastic, Children, Funny Life

  Erma Bombeck (1997). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.153, Andrews McMeel Publishing

  28 Copy quote

• A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Humorous, Names

  9 Copy quote

• Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.

  Erma Bombeck

  Sunset, Kids, Thinking

  21 Copy quote

• I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.

  Erma Bombeck

  Clothes, Lucky, Realizing

  16 Copy quote

• Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mom, Mother, Years

  87 Copy quote

• A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

  Erma Bombeck

  Relationship, Fun, Halloween

  28 Copy quote

• To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.

  Erma Bombeck

  Writing, Typewriters, Long

  5 Copy quote

• It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of her head...and, of course, the ones in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mom, Mother, Children

  40 Copy quote

• There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

  Erma Bombeck

  Happiness, Hurt, Laughter

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.139, Open Road Media

  33 Copy quote

• As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Book, School

  54 Copy quote

• Never accept a drink from a urologist.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Drinking, Humor

  7 Copy quote

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