Erma Bombeck Quotes - Page 5

Quotes about:

• No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.

  Erma Bombeck

  Baby, Laughter, House

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.46, Open Road Media

  5 Copy quote

• It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.

  Erma Bombeck

  Dream, Lines, Uncommon

  16 Copy quote

• Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Best Years Of Your Life, People

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “At Wit's End”, p.142, Fawcett

  12 Copy quote

• Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

  Erma Bombeck

  Memorable, Futility Of Life, Terrorism

  45 Copy quote

• Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Witty, Happy Mothers Day

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  21 Copy quote

• Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the cleaning over their arm, a lamb chop defrosting under each armpit, balancing two gallons of frozen milk between their knees, and expect one of the kids to get the door.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Home, Kids

  9 Copy quote

• How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

  Erma Bombeck

  Next Week, Goes On, Literature

  15 Copy quote

• Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

  Erma Bombeck

  Thanksgiving, Sports, Football

  "On Being Blonde: Wit and Wisdom from the World's Most Infamous Blondes". Book by Paula Munier, p. 67, September 1, 2004.

  33 Copy quote

• My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

  Erma Bombeck

  Family, Mom, Mother

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression”, p.96, Fawcett

  79 Copy quote

• For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  24 Copy quote

• I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode.

  Erma Bombeck

  Running, Strong, Two

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression”, p.9, Fawcett

  8 Copy quote

• It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.

  Erma Bombeck

  Jobs, Motherhood, Training

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.165, Open Road Media

  4 Copy quote

• If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.

  Erma Bombeck

  Naked, Nudity, Chairs

  17 Copy quote

• A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.

  Erma Bombeck

  Baby, Grandparent, Midnight

  Erma Bombeck (1997). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.161, Andrews McMeel Publishing

  28 Copy quote

• Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

  Erma Bombeck

  Car, Onions, Onion Rings

  26 Copy quote

• There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.

  Erma Bombeck

  Teach

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “At Wit's End”, p.143, Fawcett

  7 Copy quote

• Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

  Erma Bombeck

  Spiritual, Trying, Keep Trying

  25 Copy quote

• If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

  Erma Bombeck

  Soccer, Sports, Football

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?”, p.151, Open Road Media

  89 Copy quote

• What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

  Erma Bombeck

  Laughter, People, Giving

  9 Copy quote

• I learned the importance of a man's chair early in life. I learned that he may love several wives, embrace several cars, be true to more than one political philosophy, and be equally committed to several careers, but he will have only one comfortable chair in his life. I learned it will be an ugly chair. It will match nothing in the entire house. It will never wear out.

  Erma Bombeck

  Philosophy, Men, Careers

  16 Copy quote

• A child needs your love most when he deserves it least

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Needs, Deserve

  11 Copy quote

• People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Wedding, Husband

  13 Copy quote

• Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mom, Mother, White

  33 Copy quote

• I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.

  Erma Bombeck

  Weekend, Pie, Pecans

  17 Copy quote

• Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.

  Erma Bombeck

  Religious, Motherhood, Political

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession”, p.8, Open Road Media

  6 Copy quote

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