Jimmy Carr Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Father, Humor

  16 Copy quote

• Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Workout, Humor

  "Jimmy Carr's 40 most memorable jokes: One-liners and videos galore to mark comic's 40th birthday" by Rob Leigh, www.mirror.co.uk. September 14, 2012.

  11 Copy quote

• See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Humor, Speak No Evil

  18 Copy quote

• When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!

  Jimmy Carr

  People, House, Dinner

  16 Copy quote

• The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Humor, Men

  22 Copy quote

• Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.

  Jimmy Carr

  Cat, Robots, Legs

  "Bears". www.imdb.com. 2004.

  23 Copy quote

• I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Humor, Men

  "Jimmy Carr's 40 most memorable jokes: One-liners and videos galore to mark comic's 40th birthday" by Rob Leigh, www.mirror.co.uk. September 14, 2012.

  19 Copy quote

• Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!

  Jimmy Carr

  Years, Superhero, Disaster

  19 Copy quote

• The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet.

  Jimmy Carr

  Weight Watchers, Feet, Joining

  25 Copy quote

• I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Humor, Watches

  15 Copy quote

• Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros.

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Humor, Years

  12 Copy quote

• The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Humor, Cycling

  12 Copy quote

• No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Humor, Giving

  Jimmy Carr, Lucy Greeves (2006). “Only Joking: What's So Funny About Making People Laugh?”, p.89, Penguin

  10 Copy quote

• I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.

  Jimmy Carr

  Book, School, Saws

  15 Copy quote

• You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.

  Jimmy Carr

  Race, Different, World

  "Jimmy Carr defended offensive routines days before Down's Syndrome joke". www.mirror.co.uk. November 25, 2011.

  17 Copy quote

• TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.

  Jimmy Carr

  Thinking, People, Three

  "Carr's a comic with universal appeal" by Paddy Hoey, Daily Post, July 15, 2005.

  25 Copy quote

• I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Humor, People

  13 Copy quote

• I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.

  Jimmy Carr

  People, Stories, Pubs

  "Comedian who delivers some nice lines" by Nick Ahad, Yorkshire Post, November 19, 2004.

  23 Copy quote

• My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

  "Jimmy Carr's 40 most memorable jokes: One-liners and videos galore to mark comic's 40th birthday" by Rob Leigh, www.mirror.co.uk. September 14, 2012.

  12 Copy quote

• I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, War, Humor

  8 Copy quote

• I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.

  Jimmy Carr

  Dog, Thinking, Ideas

  "This much I know: Jimmy Carr". Interview with Euan Ferguson, www.theguardian.com. December 10, 2011.

  11 Copy quote

• When someone close to you dies, move seats.

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Moving, Humor

  "Jimmy Carr's 40 most memorable jokes: One-liners and videos galore to mark comic's 40th birthday" by Rob Leigh, www.mirror.co.uk. September 14, 2012.

  7 Copy quote

• If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Jesus, Children

  "Comedy Central Presents: Jimmy Carr". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 2005.

  5 Copy quote

• A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  10 Copy quote

• How many airports are there in the world?

  Jimmy Carr

  Airports, World

  "Jimmy Carr's 40 most memorable jokes: One-liners and videos galore to mark comic's 40th birthday" by Rob Leigh, www.mirror.co.uk. September 14, 2012.

  15 Copy quote

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