Denis Norden Quotes

• It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan it's when you discover that your wife left you in May.

  Denis Norden

  Baseball, Wife, Fans

  20 Copy quote

• There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car.

  Denis Norden

  Car, Bird, Unseen

  Frank Muir, Denis Norden (1984). “The utterly ultimate 'My word!' collection”, Methuen Pub Ltd

  13 Copy quote

• You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.

  Denis Norden

  Two, People, Together

  5 Copy quote

• It's like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it's remembered.

  Denis Norden

  Children, Memories, Holiday

  7 Copy quote

• If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from?

  Denis Norden

  Player, Men, World

  7 Copy quote

• A counter tenor is anyone who can count to ten.

  Denis Norden

  Tenors, Ten

  "My Music". Book by Steve Race, 1979.

  4 Copy quote

• What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions?

  Denis Norden

  Cheese, Harps, Pretension

  Frank Muir, Denis Norden (1984). “The utterly ultimate 'My word!' collection”, Methuen Pub Ltd

  5 Copy quote

• Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater.

  Denis Norden

  Holiday, Sweaters, Age

  5 Copy quote

• And when you're on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it's funny - and you have no way of finding out.

  Denis Norden

  Thinking, Scary, May

  7 Copy quote

• Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good - we want it Tuesday.

  Denis Norden

  Tuesday, Television, Want

  4 Copy quote

• I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny.

  Denis Norden

  Writing, People, Challenges

  8 Copy quote

• If the laughter of the audience was malicious we wouldn't show it.

  Denis Norden

  Laughter, Shows, Malicious

  7 Copy quote

• The comedians all finished their acts with a song. They would get a certain amount of money from the song publishers and would use that money to pay the writers. None of them paid very much for their comedy material, but it all added up.

  Denis Norden

  Song, Comedian, Use

  8 Copy quote

• I defy anyone to get a decision that quickly these days.

  Denis Norden

  Decision, These Days

  4 Copy quote

• Then after that came word processors and it's hard to make those laugh.

  Denis Norden

  Laughing, Processors, Hard

  4 Copy quote

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