David Letterman Quotes About Comedy

Quotes about: Comedy

• I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

  David Letterman

  Change, Collective Unconscious, Justice

• There is no off position on the genius switch.

  David Letterman

  Genius, Comedy, Position

  "Late Show with David Letterman", www.imdb.com. 1993 - 2015.

• New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

  David Letterman

  New York, Moving, Cities

  "Late Show with David Letterman", February 9, 1984.

• Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.

  David Letterman

  Funny, Travel, Land

• The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

  David Letterman

  Funny, Sarcastic, Writing

• I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.

  David Letterman

  Running, Gentleman, Comedy

• For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

  David Letterman

  Home, Trying, Comedy

• The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.

  David Letterman

  Funeral, Confusing, Alive

• Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?

  David Letterman

  Funny, Sarcastic, Night

• Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.

  David Letterman

  Running, Body, Littles

• Here's a woman, a real pioneer for other women looking for careers in stand-up comedy. And talk about guts - she would come out here and sit in this chair and say some things that were unbelievable - where you would have to swallow pretty hard... but it was hilarious... the force of her comedy was overpowering.

  David Letterman

  Leadership, Fashion, Real

  "Joan Rivers Dead: Hollywood Mourns Comedian" by Hilary Lewis, www.hollywoodreporter.com. September 4, 2014.

• President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

  David Letterman

  President, Comedy, Quiet

• Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.

  David Letterman

  Names, Iraq, Comedy

• Donald Trump had a university. Well, the state attorney general decided that the Donald Trump University was an unlicensed sham. And I thought, you know you're at a bad university when your commencement speaker is Whitey Bulger.

  David Letterman

  Education, Comedy, States

• President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

  David Letterman

  Funny, Wind, Guy

• We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.

  David Letterman

  Iraq, News, Hussein

  "The First Year Of The Iraq War, As Told Through Late Night TV Jokes" by Nick Robins-Early, www.huffingtonpost.com. March 20, 2018.

• Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.

  David Letterman

  Change, Gay, Yesterday

• I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.

  David Letterman

  Thinking, People, Laughing

  "David Letterman's 1984 Playboy Interview. A Candid Conversation with the Comedy Genius In His Youth". Playboy Interview, playboysfw.kinja.com. 1984.

• The mayor of Sochi is now saying that there are no gay people in Sochi. So the only thing that is flaming over there now is the Olympic torch.

  David Letterman

  Leadership, Gay, Class

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