Demetri Martin Quotes - Page 13

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• To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!"

  Demetri Martin

  Shoes, People, Trying

  "Who Am I?" by Demetri Martin, www.newyorker.com. February 28, 2011.

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• Jumping jacks are easier to do than crawling jacks.

  Demetri Martin

  Jumping, Easier, Crawling

  Twitter post from Aug 13, 2012

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• A glove is a very literal looking hand puppet.

  Demetri Martin

  Hands, Gloves, Puppets

  Twitter post from Dec 10, 2012

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• Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Laughing

  "Demetri Martin. Person". Documentary, Comedy, Music, www.imdb.com. January 14, 2007.

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• When I'm buying car insurance I ask myself, 'Which company has the most annoying and relentless commercials?'

  Demetri Martin

  Car, Buying, Advertising

  Twitter post from Nov 07, 2013

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• My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.

  Demetri Martin

  Bags, Too Much, Way

  Twitter post from Apr 21, 2011

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• The other night I was playing twister with some amputees.

  Demetri Martin

  Night, Amputees, Twister

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• Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival.

  Demetri Martin

  Romantic, Fun, Choices

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Sound

  "Demetri Martin. Person". Documentary, Comedy, Music, www.imdb.com. 2007.

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• A large portion of the Earth's land area is taken up by old varsity jackets.

  Demetri Martin

  Taken, Land, Earth

  Twitter post from Jul 25, 2012

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• I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

  Demetri Martin

  Nails, Bites

  Demetri Martin (2011). “This Is A Book”, p.61, Penguin UK

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• I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.

  Demetri Martin

  Opposites, Unicycles, Primal

  Interview with Litsa Dremousis, www.believermag.com. February 2006.

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• A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

  Demetri Martin

  Drunk, Persuasive, Dangerous

  "Comedy Central Presents/ Demetri Martin". www.imdb.com. 2004.

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• When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?

  Demetri Martin

  Doe, Way, Spinning

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• If you are wearing a bandana you better have something wise to say, because you are starting with a credibility deficit.

  Demetri Martin

  Wise, Starting, Credibility

  Twitter post from Feb 23, 2012

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• When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE!

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Animal

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• I feel so fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who is so grateful and appreciative to know such great synonyms for thankful.

  Demetri Martin

  Grateful, Lucky, Appreciative

  Twitter post from Jun 01, 2011

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• Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Thinking, Ideas

  "The Art of Being Demetri Martin". Interview with Claire Brooks and Jacob Brooks, www.huffingtonpost.com. January 20, 2012.

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• I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'

  Demetri Martin

  Thinking, Long, News

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• I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.

  Demetri Martin

  Society, Able, Wonder

  Twitter post from Sep 06, 2012

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• There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.

  Demetri Martin

  Song, Liking Someone

  Twitter post from Sep 25, 2012

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• I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.

  Demetri Martin

  Mistake, Journey, Thinking

  Source: www.maximumfun.org

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• I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.

  Demetri Martin

  School, Law, President

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the "crazy guy" at law school, which is the guy who is not so much "crazy" as "annoying."

  Demetri Martin

  Crazy, School, Law

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• A squirrel is the same as a can, when there's a bb gun in my hand. Can't you see that I am just a man? With distinctions... and comparisons.

  Demetri Martin

  Gun, Men, Squirrels

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